To create a truly amazing life, focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. In this episode, Jeffrey Saad dives into a practical yet profound “Top Ten for a Great Life” list designed to simplify and amplify personal growth. Covering topics like the power of daily rituals, releasing victim mindsets, and focusing on impactful actions, this episode is packed with timeless principles to help you craft a life filled with purpose and joy. Join us as we unpack small, actionable changes that lead to big, fulfilling results—one step at a time.
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My Top Ten For A Great Life!
Quick recap. What is the circle of control? The circle of control is simply making your life amazing by focusing on the things you can actually affect. If you do that, your circle keeps growing. Your life keeps getting better. If you focus on the things outside that circle of control, which is everything else, most everything. The majority of what happens in life, life is just going to happen. You cannot control it. If you let that weigh you down, that’s what leads to anxiety, depression, this emptiness. It’s that gap between where you are and where you want to be.
If you let go of all those things you cannot control, you’re better off. I am on this endless pursuit to master my circle of control because I want to be the best husband, I want to be the best dad, I want to be the best friend, I want to hopefully make your day better. I want to leave you better than I found you, I want to be great for my clients. I decided with that in mind, there’s so much to read, there’s so much to look at, there’s so much to watch. I mean between social media, YouTube, books, it can be overwhelming. I said I’m going to boil it down to my top 10.
Breaking The Victim Identity
What are the top ten things that will make for a great life if I can keep doing these? I finished the list and there’s fifteen on it. my top ten actually has fifteen. Maybe you can help whittle them down. The key is to find your top ten. Start with your top one but what you make part of your daily ritual is what will become your life. First one, no particular order. The victim identity means one sees more power in the past than the present.
That’s a huge one for me and sometimes I think I’m guilty of even being not as empathetic as I need to be or should be because I’m very quick to write somebody off as other they’re being a victim. I don’t write them off as a person but the concept of the second somebody goes to what happened in the past is like a trigger for me because there’s just no value in that. Whatever happened happened. You cannot change the past by looking at the past, but you can change the present, and of course the future, by changing what you choose to do, the thoughts you choose to have, the actions you choose to take.
Talking About It Or Living It?
This is the hardest one for me, because there’s people in my life that I just love and would die for, but I see them rewatching that same Netflix episode of their past, and it’s still most viewed for the month on their watch list, and it just doesn’t help you. Try to decide that like, “I had terrible stuff happen you heard it my first episode.” We all do but try to say to yourself what can I do today to make the rest of my life great forget about the past. The second one is are you talking about it or living it? Know it or know how? Sporadic or ritual? That’s a big one that I hold myself accountable for right as the Chinese proverb says much talk does not cook rice.
It doesn’t matter that we read that book, that we heard of that thing, that we know we’re supposed to be present. I’m going to be present. What matters is actually doing it and incorporating it into your life. Ask yourself, what are the 1 or 2 books that have really had an impact on me or podcasts? What is it that I really resonate with? Just make those your like a study guide as if you were going to be passing a final exam and those ideas.
If you can make even a few things a wonderful part of your life, make them a ritual, your life will guaranteed be better than if you just know about a million great things. Just knowing doesn’t help you. It’s getting to be a habit. Everyone knows if you don’t know Atomic Habits, greatest book ever by James Clear. When you make things a ritual and a habit, it’s like the most rewarding thing. It’s like for me, the cold plunge which I just did. It’s like it is so painful, it is so uncomfortable. I still don’t look forward to it but in a sick way I do now because I see what it’s done for me. Once you can get past that tipping point it’s amazing.
Want And Worry
Third one want and worry keep you from now and cause pre-TSD. I think I made that term up and I’m very proud of it forget about the post-traumatic stress-term zone that’s hard enough right to deal with something that happened. It’s incredible how many people will have pre-traumatic stress syndrome. They’re already feeling the weight of something that hasn’t even happened. That, I think, is one of the greatest triggers or flags for you if you’re interested in the circle of control. The second you start feeling the weight or anxiety or sadness or even joy, for that matter, of something that hasn’t happened yet, you’re already creating this disease. Remember, disease, I love that concept, is really dis-ease.
Control and Systems
It’s a body manifesting what’s going on in your head. Be very careful of that. Next one, all the energy you put into things you cannot control comes at the expense of things you can control. That is the circle. That’s one of my biggest ones. That’s everything we’re talking about. Systems trump goals. Systems. People succeed every time they apply their systems in the sense that they did what they intended to do. That’s a take one for me because as a realtor, as a former restaurant owner, you’re always doing these budgets and these business plans and picking numbers out of the sky. Yes, they’re based on last year’s number and what might happen in the future but for fifteen years now, I don’t even think about numbers.
My wife and I make the majority of our living from real estate. I don’t think about how many buyers, how many sellers, or how much I’ll sell. I only think about what are the daily actions that I need to do to have a great life to take care of my clients. If I think every day, I’m going to reach out and call my clients, I’m going to study the inventory in the market, I’m going to stay up to speed on what’s happening with money, mortgage rates, interest rates, things that affect the business, I’m going to work on bringing my best self, that morning routine of slowing down so that you can speed up if you will.
If I just do those things every day, I’ll automatically hit whatever that magical goal was going to be and it doesn’t matter what it was because the reality is if I just do what I believe works every day, then that is the goal. I mean, that is the number that it’s going to be because picking a random number, I’m going to retire when I have $10 million or I’m going to make a million dollars this year. It’s just so subjective and random. I think it creates anxiety again because now you have this random target and there’ll be plenty of people that will tell you, “If you don’t aim for the for the moon, you won’t get the stars or whatever, but the reality is I think you can be very proud of and control the daily actions and that feels good.
I always say even when we’ve had cashflow crunches or been in rough situations, I sleep like a baby and so does my amazing wife because she’s come so far with this as well because we know that we are doing every day what we can do and that’s all you can do. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t be better. I always want to be better, but you don’t know what you don’t know. In the moment that you’re in, say, “These are the six things that I’m going to do today to be a better husband, to be a better wife, to be a better partner. These are the six things I’m going to do today that I believe will grow my business or make me better at work and just do those.”
Thought Interpretation
Next one. Don’t add thought interpretation storyline to a situation. This is a huge one. This is such an Eckhart Tolle thing, which I love, love, love so much. He’s like, everything is just adding a story. If you’re going to do a story like I would say being the internal optimist, make it a positive story. If a second COVID struck, I just said, “Something great is going to come of this. This is a reckoning. This is a cleansing that we all needed.” Whatever it is, I just assumed right away it was going to be something positive. Of course, anybody that died or was terribly sick, that’s horrible. In general, there ended up being a lot of good things that came out of it.
Again, better not to tell any story. Just let it be. What’s an example of storytelling? Somebody doesn’t call you back. You can immediately go into, “What did I say last time we were together? Did I make them mad? Maybe they don’t like me anymore. Maybe they think I did this.” People start spinning out with this whole storyline that is literally made up in your head. I always say, instead of telling a story, ask a question. If you’re going into any story, just turn it into a question instead. I’ve really learned to do this with clients. They deserve the best of me, and the best of me is not guessing what they’re thinking.
Complicit
It’s asking, “It seems like this is really bothering you.” I’ve said to clients, “It seems like you’re having trouble trusting me. It seems like there’s something else going on.” Ask the question, because storytelling is just going to put you in a bad place. Don’t be complicit. Be aware of your go-to response interpretation. I love this one, because you are complicit in that negative thought if you start telling the stories. Maybe that’s why I’m at fifteen now. This could probably be having been coupled with the other ones. Now we’re down to fourteen but basically, don’t assume. As my son was over last night and he said, “I’m really getting good at not assuming I’m asking instead.”
If you go along with, but like this is the flip side as well, like somebody else’s story. If somebody says to you you’re not nice or you screwed me over or you made me feel bad. If you don’t be complicit in that thought, don’t take it personally. If you’re going to go along with that insult, then you’re just hurting yourself. If you care about that person, ask questions and try and solve it but don’t be complicit in the insult. Don’t be complicit in the negative story because then you’re owning it and making it part of your world.
Two Ways To Be Wealthy
There is nothing more powerful than I think it was Anthony Hopkins that said it, “Whatever anybody else thinks of me is none of my business.” I love that concept. Who you are. If you’re living by your personal constitution that we’ve talked about, your principles and your values then you don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks because you’re living the best life you can live. This is a good one. There are two ways to be wealthy, to get everything you want or to want everything you have. That comes from a Ryan Holiday and the daily stoic. I love that one because it really is the truth. I mean, I grew up a super rich kid and it was misery. That was a great example of getting everything is doesn’t bring happiness.
Now that’s a separate conversation by the way. I think money buys freedom and most times freedom makes you happy, but that’s a separate podcast. Anyway, just think about everything you have. I was just on vacation in Brazil, which I was super grateful for, and I bought a new pair of sunglasses, and they weren’t cheap, and literally lost them the next day. I had like five minutes of feeling devastated. I cannot believe I just lost those. I already felt a little bit like, “Should I buy these?” I lost them. I immediately, I was so proud because I’ve trained myself and it worked. I immediately said, “Instead of focusing on what I just lost, I’m going to make a list of all the things that I’m so grateful that I have.”
Money buys freedom and most times, freedom makes you happy. Share on XI thought, “I hope somebody found those that would never be able to have those glasses and they get to enjoy them because that’s better anyway.” Like maybe this was the universe saying you have enough glasses, you have enough things, you don’t need more things. I went from this real feeling of like, “I hate wasting harder money, I hate losing things.” Then I went to this great place of joy and peace as a result. The funny part is, I got them back the next day. I had left them in a taxi and the taxi brought them back to the hotel, which was epic. If you believe in energy and the universe, maybe that letting go is what made them come back.
Weigh Don’t Count
That’s a separate podcast, but I really believe, call it religion, call it anything you want, I’m good with it. Energy is everything. Think of life as like a radio frequency. What are you tuning into? If you’re tuning into gratitude, you’ll end up in lots of gratitude. If you tune into misery, you’ll find everything and everybody that’s miserable. Think about that. Next one. Don’t count your actions, weigh them. This is going to sound very demeaning, but I used to say that to my district managers, my general managers, when we had 300 employees in all these restaurants back in the day.
Life is like a radio frequency. What are you tuning into? If you tune in to gratitude, you'll end up in lots of gratitude. If you tune into misery, you'll find everything and everybody that's miserable. Share on XI’d go into one of the restaurants and I’d say to the district manager like, “What’s going on here and stuff? His answer or the manager’s answer would be, “I have six people on staff for the table, waiting tables today, that’s what we’re supposed to have, six.” I thought and then I saw the people that were working that day and there were some really weak people there. I looked at them and I said, “Maybe instead of counting heads, you need to weigh them.” The idea behind that is don’t ever just assume that because there’s six waiters that it’s going to be taken care of because if four of them are amazing and two of them are terrible, it doesn’t matter how many there are, the results are not going to be there. Same thing with all of us. We make these to-do lists or at least I do that make you feel good.
Just check things off like, “I had such a busy day look how much I got done.” The truth is weigh those items. Don’t just count them. I got twelve things done today that might mean nothing. It’s probably better to get one thing done the right thing. The thing that’s going to really move the needle. What I’ve done as a result is I make my must-do list first like the three things that have to get done today and then the would like to do list so it gives me a cheat sheet to not get lazy and just check off the easy things. I have to do the things that matter most first.
Get Results
Next one. Your life is designed to get the results you are getting right now. You are following your script perfectly. Think about that. It’s one of my favourites. I cannot remember who said it. It may have been Tony Robbins and he may have gotten it from somebody else but I love that idea that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s what so many of us do. You just keep hammering. Maybe if I swing the hammer harder, it’ll work. Instead, you got to stop and say, “What can I change to change the outcome?” Like, really stop. This is why the morning routine has been one of the most special things in my life because as you can see, I’m very like, I move fast, I think fast, I have to always work on slowing down.
That’s why I do that morning routine because when you just sit and stare into the clouds, this morning, I should turn the camera around, it’s this beautiful haze over the valley here in LA. It’s almost like this peaceful vibe. You just stare into that and you just think peacefully or try not to think right after the meditation. Let my mind slowly come back too. What do I love about my life? Is there anything I don’t love about my life, what’s missing? That’s the key, I just got to stop doing that or I need to start doing more of that, like change it, because it’s not going to change itself. There is no magic.
Be Patient
Definitely don’t blame anybody else. You are the author of your story. You are the script writer. You are the choreography. It’s time to choreograph a better dance if you don’t like the rhythm you got going. It is your duty to understand and be patient with others. We are not all born the same. Assume what is obvious to me is not to all. Assume what is easy for me is not to all. That’s one of my biggest ones because most of my failures in my younger days were doing the opposite of that. I could go in and wait twenty tables at once in my restaurants. I could prep up the whole menu in two hours in the morning. Why do pork cooks need six hours? Whatever it was. It’s a really arrogant way to be like, “It’s easy.”
I would say I believe a lot of my life has been great because I assume everything is easy. It’s a mindset. It’s easy. I got this. It’s not that it’s easy, but that thought process helps. It’s not fair to apply that to other people. We’re all born differently. We all have different skill sets. I know so many people that are way more successful, wealthy than me, and they seem chaotic. Like, who am I to judge why they’re not doing this, that, or the other thing. They’re still able to get it all done even at a higher level than me with the way they do things. Just stop and always stop and say like, “You know what’s going on?”
For me, driving is a big one. When somebody is in front of me going really slow, I’m really working on being like, “Maybe they’ve been in a bad accident. Maybe they’re just struggling with a lot of anxiety and for them, just driving to the store is hard. Slow down and stop acting like I shouldn’t be so arrogant.” Like, “Why can’t they just go faster because I want to go faster. Be kind to others, especially election is a week away. More than ever, we just need to love each other. I don’t care if it sounds naive or Pollyanna. I am just going to double down on love and kindness because Anything else will not help.
Where The World Is At
Start where the world is not as I would like it to be. This is a newer one that I heard, read, saw somewhere and loved that idea. That’s a big challenge for a lot of us. Like, “Why cannot I just be this way?” That’s not the way it is. It doesn’t matter if you’d like it to be that way. It automatically puts you at a huge deficit right because for me, let’s use the driving example. If I’m going to waste my energy wishing everybody would drive as fast as me I’m already starting in the negative way because that’s not the way it is right. This is the way the world embraces it and starts there and then goes from there. It’ll make your climb a lot shorter and a lot more invigorating if you’re not starting your climb in a hole that you spend tons of energy, time, just getting back to even.
Ten To Three
Start from where the world is actually at. For you dreamers out there, for you visionaries, entrepreneurs, amazing people, that is how I think people change the world is they’re not even starting where the world’s at, they’re starting where they want the world to be, which is incredible. They’re skipping like two steps. Here’s another one. Turn ten steps into three. This is a huge philosophy of mine and it’s one of the reasons that I had to end a partnership with a restaurateur in the past because he would turn everything into twenty steps. I’d turn it into three steps.
You can imagine that divide made it very hard to work together because I’m a huge fan of like, again, getting to the essence. Like it doesn’t mean there aren’t silly things or little things that should happen. I just read something recently that said, “Writing a thousand lines of silliness gets you to that one line that changes everything.” It’s not that every thing you do has to be refined to perfection, but I also think that most times there’s a huge opportunity to say, “What really matters here? How can we get this done? Do we really need to follow these ten steps or what are the key steps that’ll pivot this and make a difference?”
It goes along with that same thinking of a good decision made quickly is way better than an amazing decision that takes forever. Think about what it is you do, the things that you follow, processes that you could eliminate some steps because it makes it more focused, it saves time and it’ll probably keep you enjoying it more. I’ll never forget when I was writing the training manuals for this big restaurant company that I was a partner in and I screwed up so badly because I had everything was like a million steps. I expected everybody to know everything, and it was so unrealistic. When we hired a new HR director and we drilled it down to the essence, what really matters, it’s not that they know every ingredient in the dish.
A good decision made quickly is way better than an amazing decision that takes forever. Share on XKaizen
The training steps don’t need to be 100, it can just be understand these few concepts and you’ll understand the culture, and then you can always ask questions on the menu if there more to it. Two left. The next one is Kaizen. That’s one of my very, very, very favourites and it’s the opposite of my nature, but I love it. If you haven’t heard or read about Kaizen, it’s the Japanese art of being 1% better every day. Google it or check out my website, JeffreySaad.com for my book recommendation that I love.
It’s just this incredible idea that just gets a little bit better. Whatever it is you’re trying to do, if you want to get in shape, start with one pushup. If you want to reach out to your sphere of influence, if you’re in sales or in some business where you need to connect with people, start by just making one call a day. If you want to fall in love, do one nice thing for somebody that you care about. If you want to learn to surf, just start by floating on a board, get your equilibrium down. All of a sudden, if you just get a little teeny bit better every day. If you’re 1% better a day, you’re 37 something percent better a year. That’s very easy to maintain or easier I should say than saying, “Starting tomorrow I’m going to the gym for an hour.” You’re likely to not get it done.
Opinions
Last one. Nothing is good or bad. It’s only opinions that make it so. I love that because really it’s just when we put all this thought, now we’re down to thirteen maybe, because that’s probably could be coupled with the storytelling one. The second, try to go a whole day without having an opinion, like check that out because all we do is walk through our lives with opinions and judgement and analysis.
No matter what happens, don’t say it’s good, don’t say it’s bad, it just is what it is and continue on because the more opinion you give something, the more storytelling you start doing and the more spinning out starts happening.There’s my top ten that are really fifteen that could probably be thirteen. I hope it helps. Find your top ten. Have a beautiful day. Thank you so much for listening. Cheers.