Host Jeffrey Saad sits down with former Sell This House host Tanya Memme to break down the gritty reality of personal reinvention. When your career stalls and your old identity collapses, you can’t wait for someone else to save you. Tanya shares how she moved from devastating career setbacks to coaching top executives on high-stakes communication. You’ll discover why true presence comes from feeling through your words instead of hiding behind corporate scripts. She breaks down her Point Proof Period framework so you can command any room with total clarity. It’s time to drop the victim mindset and build your next chapter from the ground up.
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Tanya Memme, A Powerhouse Of Change And Growth
I have got Tanya Memme. It is serendipitous and cool how we met on an infomercial. The idea was that we both had done TV stuff, you much more. We are both like, “What work can I get? Infomercials sound good.” Sounds great at the time. Right out of the gate, I was so impressed with you because I am going to have you do a little bio on yourself so people really know you, because I do not want to give the half version. What I can say about you is the opening comments, and then I will let you give us your story a little bit, if you were like a warrior.
You were not at a great point. You were at one of your many pivots. You had many reasons to crawl into a hole. Yet you were like, “I got this, I am good.” The world might not know it yet, but I am coming back again. I was like, then of course, you did the unthinkable. I was honored to be on the infomercial with you when you got the email. Who does it? Who gets a show reinvigorated after it was canceled? Nobody. Why do you not start by just giving a little bio of your background, starting with Miss Canada?
That is so funny. First of all, the funny thing is, and I talk about this now, but I was born on a sod farm. I was born on 400 acres of sod, like grass, no neighbors. I had my cousins, our little group of homes, and that was it. I always wanted to be an actress. I always wanted to be on TV. I do not know why. Like, “Why did I curse myself with that wish?”
You have never slowed down, so you picked the right thing, I guess.
Anyways, I ended up in the Miss Teen Niagara pageant. I was in the pageant world, and then I ended up winning Miss Canada and went on to the Miss World Pageant in Sun City, South Africa. That is really what started my whole trajectory. It is funny because now, we will get into that, but I train executives in communication and things like that. I started off, and I am just starting to talk about it now, I was dyslexic. I still am.
That is funny you say that, because I was just telling you about listening to Rahm Emanuel’s book, and that was his biggest baggage. I never realized he was dyslexic. His kids ended up being dyslexic. He talks about the weight of it. It was hard.
I did not really realize I was dyslexic until I found out only two years ago that my mother is severely dyslexic. She and I would butt heads all the time. I was like, “Why can you not remember names? Why do you always mix up names? Why do you always mix up directions?” When you tell stories, you start in the middle. Why do you? I cannot understand. I realized I ended up finding out because she finally admitted she is severely dyslexic. I have a couple of other family members that I do not know if they want me to talk about it, just family members that are also dyslexic. I realized it must be, because my whole family has got it, basically. I know that I had it, and that explained all the struggles I had in school with communication.
You thought, “I got an idea. I will start reading scripts.”
It is because I knew it made you feel not good enough. You are the kid that does not get chosen for the public speaking contests or the debate team or all this stuff that I really want. I want to be known as smart, but I would always go blank on everything, and I would always have all this paranoia whenever I had to read in front of the class, and then I would not be thinking. I would not absorb any of the information that I was reading. When the teacher would call me out, I would just turn red and not know the answer. I thought I was stupid. These are all things I never ever talked about. It is so weird.
That is the unfair part, right? It is like millions and millions suffer. Actually, as he talked about in that book, you are gifted. It forces you to use a different part of your brain to make you super creative, right?
Transforming Perceived Weakness Into Your Greatest Asset
I was doing that without knowing that that is what I was doing. I was in survival mode. I am like, “How am I going to do this?” It is almost like because that was the one thing I wanted, I did not know why. I did not even know I was dyslexic. I just wanted to be good at it. I was like, “I can do this.” I decided to go into the entertainment business so that I am on stage and I have to speak, and I have to talk and all this stuff. It makes sense.
Way to lean into it. Not for 99% of the population. They would be like, “What can I do that is in a hole and nobody has to hear me or something?” You are like, “Let me be on stage with this problem.”
I have learned the hard way because I messed up through the years. I ended up winning Miss Canada, then I moved to New York, and I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy and studied musical theater and all that. I was on the circuit, just like you probably were, with getting managers and agents and getting out there and auditioning and what am I going to do next and all this stuff. I did what I had to. I worked really hard for probably like ten years, pounding the pavement, starving.
By the way, being in a new country without your family, without knowing a ton of people.
I did not know a lot of people. I was illegal at the time. I was working under the table. Not that everybody wants to do that, but I did. I became legal. I did all the right things to become legal. It was very expensive. I had to pay for this visa and this visa and that card and this, that, and then the green card. Every three years, whatever I had would expire. I had to work. All the money that I made, which was not a lot, I put it right back into publicity. I really did whatever I needed to do to stay in the country and then become legal.
The rest of us take it for granted. You had doubled the load. We are all like, “It was a lot.” We are here.
I have ripped hundreds of thousands of dollars, as I started making more money in the business, just to stay legal. I had to build, build. I remember back in the day, it was $5,000 a month for publicity. Company, you spend at least that, and $10,000 a month. I had to just get the publicity to build my file so that I would qualify for my green card. That was like behind all the stuff that has been going on during the years. I ended up auditioning, and one day I was the DirecTV spokesperson. I started off with that. What DirecTV had was 15,000 subscribers. I got Robotica, and I worked with Amit Sapa on Robotica, and that was amazing. I have not met David Garfinkle yet.
Funny. We love you, David. Call out to David. We found out we both know you.
Yes, we both love you. That was Don Weiner. Don Weiner was the executive for Robotica, and that was awesome. I auditioned for Sell This House, and little did I know this little teeny tiny little show, which I had no idea what it was, because I did not know reality TV. What do you mean, like it is reality? It was the weirdest show ever.
What a dream for you. It just left you unscripted. See the universe, those interesting things.
I never even thought of that. It is really interesting. That show really showed my talents. One of the reasons why the audience loved me on that show is that I was willing to be funny and self-deprecating.
Which is awesome because you come from poise and Beauty. That is how you won those competitions. To be able to do that says a lot.
I was never really a pageant girl, to be honest.
“Who are all these girls? This is stupid. I won.”
It was just like that. It is crazy. Just through the years, I did that and then Sell This House Extreme and Move This House, the Smart Home Nation, and I did tons of infomercials. We, because we were both in a lot of infomercials, made a lot of other people a lot of money.
We got paid pretty well too. I remember my agent saying to me, my show got canceled on Cooking Channel, then my agent called me a few months later. He was like, “I got something for you.” I am like, “What?” He goes, “An infomercial?” I am like, “Seriously, dude, is that where we are at? What is it about?” He goes, “Fish oil.” I go, “Wow.” This is where we are landing. I said, “I do not think so.” He goes, “It pays X.”
Fish oil is kind of like a recipe.
If you get the right fish from the deep sea. Of course, the infomercials during COVID with all the cooking stuff blew up. Sometimes you roll with it.
It worked. You do roll with it. There are times too, like this is going to sound so bad, but back in the day, it was so different from the infomercial world. I would not even see, we should not admit this, like I would not see the product until I walked on set. I talk about everything now openly because I do not care. I am in a different place now. I do not know about you, but there were times, “We can send you the products, you can learn all about it.” I never got the product.
For me, funny enough, that is what made it work for me because I was so passionate about cooking. I am like, “Send it to me and I would cook like 50 things in it, all those other devices and stuff.”
That we did have. They did it right on that one.
I did not do as many as you did. When I saw you, it had been ten years already? How long ago was that? What did we do in the infomercial?
At least ten years.
That is when you got your show rebooted, right?
That came back. Unfortunately, it came back in 2019. That is what happened. Sell This House came back. Not only that, I found myself an executive. I went off the air for seven years. I did not work for seven years.
That was rough.
You can't let self-doubt keep you small. When you lean straight into what scares you, your biggest struggle turns into your strength. Share on XThat was my first.
Remember, you were with your daughter. You were alone, a single mom. I remember a different lifestyle, but you did not show it.
Those were some dark days. That was tough because I was dealing with a huge identity shift too. What happened was that I left the business. I quit a show that I was on. I quit the show on Hallmark Channel. I walked off, basically quit. That was a decision that I had made. There is good Hollywood, and there is not-so-good Hollywood. I was experiencing too much of not-so-good Hollywood at the time. I could not take it anymore. I just was like, “I deserve better.” Little did I know that I ended up becoming a part of the MeToo movement. Not everybody did okay after they started to speak. I had a couple of screen tests canceled after that. I knew.
Let us talk about something for a minute, because of the reduction in my book. The different facets of it. One of them is, who could you be if you were not who you thought you were? People learn to live with the mask of who they think they are supposed to be. Talk about how you dealt with that: going from pageant winner, star, TV star to not working for seven years and everything changing. How did you deal with that? I am not that person. That is what I was doing. I have learned that this is my identity. How did you get through that and shift that?
Rebuilding Your Identity Beyond External Accolades
A lot of work. A lot of deep diving. A lot. It took me a good seven years.
Pretend somebody is tuning in who is going through exactly that right now. What is your advice for them? What did you do that made it work? The dark moments, the bright moments, the transitions? Can we not go backwards?
I am thinking, “Should I talk about it or should I not talk about it?”
Your call. Whatever makes you comfortable, it may help somebody.
It is becoming more mainstream now. I ended up getting into plant medicine, and it saved my life.
What kind?
I unknowingly tried ayahuasca. I did not know.
I still have not done that, but I want to.
I can talk to you all about it. I do not feel called to do it right now. I have had my years of healing, and now I am definitely on the other side. I was in a really dark place, like a really dark place, because my whole identity was all attached to my jobs and the accolades and the awards and the big shows and the agents, the managers, and the red carpets, like the whole thing. I created this life slash facade for dating celebrities, the whole thing.
I remember some of the stories, but we do not have to talk about them.
Still, you have this life that you created, and then all of a sudden, because you stood up for yourself and what you know is not right. You do that, and then you get, in a way, boycotted by the entire business for seven years. It is really hard because then you are like, “Now who am I?” Yes, I went into a very dark place, and I looked anyway. It was really hard. The first thing that I would tell people is that if you are in a really tough situation, nobody is going to save you. That is number one.
Great advice right there.
Nobody came to save me. The people that you think are maybe going to help, they do not. It is very different. People do not want to be associated, and I mean this, people do not want to be associated with somebody who is not a winner.
I love LA for so many reasons, but that is one of the stereotypes that tends to land. I have talked to a lot of people in the industry in this book that Ari wrote. It is like, you think you are building a lifelong set of relationships, only to find out that the second the show is canceled, so are you.
Your agents let you go. Your managers let you go. The phone calls are not coming in anymore, and some people will not take your call anymore, and all the things. It is true. That does happen. That is why it is so interesting. Now, like with Instagram and social media, you can create yourself a winner. You can fake yourself into thinking you are what society might think is a winner. People fall for it. It is very interesting.
I would say, and would add to that, they fall for it until they do not. Because you are the real deal, it sticks. That is the great message for people, and it is true with social media. There are obviously downsides, of course, but the upside is nobody is stopping you from doing it because nobody is going to save you, as you said. When you are the real deal, it will last. When you are putting on a facade, and you are crazy or funny for a minute or whatever, but if it is not real, it is going to fade. People see it, and then they are not interested anymore.
Authenticity is everything right now. People can see through it. Where were we? How did I get at that?
First thing, the advice you give to people who are going through that kind of identity crisis, the first thing you said was, “Nobody is going to save you.”
Escaping The Scarcity Trap In Survival Mode
No one is going to save you. I also had to stop. My house burned down in the fire. I have had my journey, and it is okay. It is so funny because I have learned so much, especially in this past year. It has been such a blessing. You have to get out of victimhood. It is nobody’s fault. I love that.
I love you for that. That is a societal challenge. Everybody goes to poor me. Let us sue. Let us do this. I love what you are saying. It is like, “You get it. You have to own it all.” You cannot say, “I am on top of the world, and that was me, and now that I am not, that is not me.” It might not be your fault, but it is still your life.
I decided to leave the business. That was my decision because of my own integrity and my own moral standards. Also, it is interesting too, because when you are in survival mode, just be very careful about big business decisions that you make. Do not make any business decisions, which, of course, I did, and they were not good, because you are operating from a place of lack, scarcity, and fear. Just be. Just sit with it. I had burned a lot of bridges during that time. I had people misunderstand what I was talking about. I got angry over things I normally would not. I was a very different person back then.
Well said. It is great that you can admit that, because I always say that too. At first in my life, I did not know it was a mess. In the second third, I realized it. Now, in this last third, I am fixing it.
I have already fixed it. I am good now.
I know. That is what I always say. If you cannot cringe at your former self, then you are not thriving.
It is so true.
I am not the guy I was a year ago. I am definitely not the guy I was ten years ago. I do not even know the guy from twenty years ago. It is important to evolve and to be willing to cringe at yourself and say, “How am I getting better?” When you stop learning, when you stop wanting to thrive, you are done. You did not get into victim mode. You said, “Nobody is going to fix it.”
I learned all of these by doing it.
How did you get out of it then?
I ended up, my girlfriend called me over one day, my girlfriend Rhonda, and she was like, “I want you to meet this shaman. Just bring a pillow and bring a blanket. Show up.” This is literally how it happened.
When you are in a dark place, a pillow and blanket sound good.
Great. I am like, “Okay.” She goes, “There is going to be music, but she did not really tell me what it was.”I go, and they are making this stuff and all this stuff, and I tasted it, and I drank it, and I drank a lot.
Is it you who throws up first?
Don't make major business decisions when you're trapped in fear. Sit with the silence until you're operating from clarity, not scarcity. Share on XWhat is that?
I heard you throw up right after you take it, and then it kicks in. Purge a lot.
It is different for everybody. You do not necessarily, like, have that happen or whatever, but there is a lot of purging involved. I drank a lot of ayahuasca the first time, so then I realize now how much I did that day because I did not know. I was like, “This is not working. I do not know what this stuff is.” At the show, I was like, “Would you like some more? This is all zen.” Sure, because this is not working. I drank some more, lay down. I drank a lot. It was the wildest. That was the first time I had done it. I did not do it again for probably two years, because that was such a crazy experience. It was the most amazing, beautiful, and eye-opening. No joke, that is how I found out my mother was dyslexic, because I was given that information.
I have heard stories like that. Buddy Man went to his dad and said they did not get along, and he said, “Dad, is this true?” The dad was shocked. Like, “How would you know this?”
It happened to me too.
Then what? That is how I found out I was dyslexic as well, but it made sense. I saw all the flashings in my life, how it held me back. It was very interesting. I definitely got some downloads. I feel closer to God now than I ever have because of the medicine. There are people who think it is the devil’s work. It is true. They will stay away from it. Just some religions are very against any medicine. That is not what I believe because I have actually experienced it. Experience it before you judge it.
Well said. Listen, our brains, as they say, do not even use one percent or something. We are so complex. That is how you open those portals and get to places. Most of the time I hear, I have only heard good stories. Same with most of these and all that stuff.
That is a whole other modality that I ended up trying some of that as well, and some psychotherapists use ketamine. I have done ketamine too with an actual psych, like a therapist. I do not do it for fun. I do it for healing, and I go very deep. It has been really wonderful.
It has been embraced that way. I have a friend who has had some struggles, and she lay down in the room with a doctor and did a high dose of mushrooms, psilocybin. It was life-changing for her. I love that it is being used as medicine.
I stopped talking about it because some people are very judgy. I am just at the point in my life where I know who I am and it is what it is, and I know what helped me, and I know what did not, and that is the truth.
Girl, I love that. You are so good. That is how it should be. All of us, that is my whole mission, is like, “Be who you feel good being. Be who you are meant to be, not who somebody else wants you to be, not because you are comparing.” Just what does the best version of you look like, and how do you perceive that?
How did you get there? When people ask me that, I do not want to lie. I do not want to sit here and say, “I did a lot of work.”
What would you do to deserve this, because you’re pursuing a path that isn’t worth it?
I fell into it not knowing, and it ended up having miraculous changes in my life. It has helped me. It has completely gotten me past all the trauma from the business. I went through a lot of entertainment.
You just said, “I am good. I know who I am now.” I believe you. You are very clear about it. What have you done for your daughter? How old is she?
She’s fifteen.
What have you done for her too? I would say kids need to see parents failing. Kids need to see parents suffering. You are not doing them a favor by thinking life is perfect, especially since they are smarter than us and they just get it anyway. They are like, “What is this joke going on? It is a classic. We are going to get worse.” No kidding. Good for you. I am sure you sent a lot of great messages. How is she doing?
She is good. Last year was rough. We lost our house and the buyers, on top of the business. I was out of the entertainment business a long time ago. I still do some hosting of whatever, but I definitely am not pursuing it. It feels so good.
Talk about what you are doing. I love speaking. I love all the consulting you are doing. Talk more about what you are up to now. Unless there are some messages left that you want to share about how you emerged.
I was just going to say my daughter is doing okay. She also went through the loss of the whole town and the community and all that. I just feel like sometimes you have got to go through stuff in order to be grateful for the things that are amazing in life. I celebrate everything now. The little things, the big things. I am just in such a different place. Anything can happen to me now, except for really anything that has to do with my daughter or my family, not that. A lot can happen to me. It is even losing my entire house in the fire. Through all of the ups and downs, I just have this ability now to just say, “That happened. How are we going to deal with it? Let us just do it.” You go on, and you have a great day.
I love that. What I always say is, it is very old Stoic philosophy, but I have embraced it and done my version of the book. Life is not about what happens to you. It is about how you react. You get to choose to put a weight on it. I had cancer last year.
I did not even know that.
It’s because I did not want it to be so known. I just said, “It is a thing. I can choose how much weight to put on it.” I am a firm believer that, like everything in your life as a chef, I have to make that analogy. It is a recipe. The only reason the sweet is so good is that the bitters are there. The only reason a medium-rare steak is so juicy and beautiful is because of the charred edges. You need it all. You do not get to just have the bad or the good. It all is part of it. Good for you.
I imagine myself, because some people say when we die, our soul goes out, and we have this moment. I just like playing here.
I love it. We have this moment where they are like, “Do you want to go back?” Whatever we believe. Some people believe this. Some do not. Do you want to go back? You can have a life that is just easy. You have everything you want. It is good. It is great. You are happy. Do you want this, or do you want a life that is juicy and you experience emotion and feelings and sadness and happiness and loss and just excitement to like? Do you want to have a life of adventure? I know that if that is true, that is what happens. None of us really know what happens to us because we are not dead.
Cannot plan s***.
We do not know.
Mike Tyson, you say, “You have all the plans in the world until you get punched in the face.” It is like, “Now what?”
None of us really know what happens. When we die, we do not know. We are all guessing, I guess, but we do not know because we are still alive.
It is so funny, too. I always think, who cares about death? We are all guaranteed. I do not want to lose life. Why are you worried about death? We are about life. What are you doing.
It is like, if that were to happen, what path would you choose? If it were your spirit choosing the path. I know I chose this path, if that is what happens and if that is true. I know I chose this path. When I look back, I am like, “What an adventure it has been.”
It has made you who you are. My wife would say, “I just wish that thing did not happen when I was young.” I go, “I am so glad it happened.” She is like, “I love exactly everything about you. That is part of what made you you.” It is so fun for me because I have not seen you in a while and I love, I can see the difference. That is the beauty. These things all form you.
Dropping Your Ego To Rebuild From Scratch
They do. The other thing I just wanted to say too is that you have to get your ego out of the way. I could have said to myself, “I am too good for that because I was on TV and I was a celebrity. I was pretty much a household name at one point.” You can walk around like that, or you can get your s*** in gear, and you can start reinventing yourself and pivoting and knowing that you have got to start at the bottom again and build yourself up.
The exciting thing is that you only have up to go. Create now. I am like, “Who do I want to be now? When I realized that, I was like, “What do I want to do now, and who can I be?” I went and got my yoga instructor’s license. I was like, “I am 50. I am not going to be a yoga instructor,” but it was fun getting the license. I started traveling a little bit. I went, and I got my Alyssa Nobrega course. I took her course for life coaching. It was an eleven-month course.
I really embraced that because that is what you are coaching a lot of people now, right?
Yeah, I do a little bit of that, but it is more. I do executive communication coaching now. It is just interesting. Go and explore, be curious. If you are at your rock bottom, this is the time for you to learn new things, meet new people, get the ego out of the way, and try things. That is how I figured out what I want to do now.
I love that because you are not, you are not what happened to you. You are not your past. You are you. That is my goal with this book is, if you create your personal constitution and know who you are, it does not change regardless of what you are doing, because it is who you are. It helps you get through whatever you are doing. You are an example of, like, not learning the most invigorating thing. Just learning, period. If you are depressed, I think anyone with depression should just start learning something.
That is what I say. Go online, take a course, start learning things. Even if you are just a little bit interested, just go do it. It is going to lead you. This is going to lead you to that. I can tell you how my life now is just expanding in the most magical ways, but it was because I got my real estate license. Remember, like, I am not even selling real estate.
I know, but see, that is what I love. You pivoted to where you landed because you are speaking at these real estate events, investors, right?
Yes, and now so many other events. I am not really even speaking so much at the real estate events. I am, and I love it, but it has expanded to so many other different things.
Which is what? What are you most excited about right now?
I built out this business. I have been working on it. When you start a business, you do not know what direction it is going to go. You think, “I want to do this,” and then it goes like this, and then you find your way. Just do not stop going. Just keep going with that thing. My thing is that I wanted to teach people somehow, some way, confidence on camera, the science of communication. Everything that I had done for 25 years on TV, I realized that this is now what everybody needs to build their brand.
All the successes, all the failures, you are like, “Now I am officially ready to help everybody else.”
Do what I have done because the video is not going anywhere, whether you hate it or not. It is building our brands. People want to see the face behind the brand. I know there is AI and everything, but people are not ready for video AI like a fake person selling something. We do not want that.
Real is going to be more valuable than ever. AI, I think it has its place, but I think what is exciting is anything in person. Anything that feels real is going to be more valuable than ever. You are helping people deliver it.
Build their brands. Helping entrepreneurs and executives communicate with passion, and I help them. I teach public speaking, so I have my individual public speaking clients, but I have really built this brand on how to communicate with passion, with your heart. Like, “What do you want to talk about? Who are you? How do you build your brand around that?” I talk about charisma because you are extremely charismatic. You were born that way. You do not have to be born charismatic to be charismatic in your videos. It can be taught. Confidence can be taught. I have seen it right now. I am working with my executives. I work for this really amazing hedge fund company, and I am working with their top six executives. They are all over the world.
It is amazing.
It has been great, and I love what I am doing.
You are changing their lives because it is amazing. As I am sure you could tell a hundred stories. You can be really intelligent. You can know your s*** like nobody else. If you cannot make me excited about it and make me understand it, it does not matter. The ability is there, and even as a realtor, I hate the word selling because I always say I have never sold a thing. I have guided people to what they are looking for and what is completing their life based on what they have told me. The reality is, there is no such thing as not presenting. You have to always be selling, presenting what it is you do and you believe in, and if you cannot do that effectively. What are mistakes you see people making, and what are the biggest wins?
It makes such a huge difference in so many ways, because we all have to show up and speak in some way, whether it is on a Zoom call, in person, or whatever. It is so interesting because I almost feel like the stakes are higher, because I teach them too how to show up on Bloomberg television and CNN. I teach lawyers how to present their case in court.
That is fascinating. I have been joining you. I love watching that.
I work with them.
That is what wins the case, sad but true. It is never about being right. It is about presenting.
Now, I cannot work with people that I know are not truthful, and I cannot.
You are not trying to send them a bad message. Here is how we are going to take advantage of everybody. Excellent technique.
It is expanding into not only the executives with financial executives, but also with lawyers and things like that. I am really excited about that.
How do people contact you? What is the best way to contact you? Obviously, Instagram. What is the name of the business?
Just TanyaMemme.com, or you can send me a message on Instagram.
I would be very happy to have you. That is good.
The Point Proof Period High-Stakes Framework
Thank you. The other thing, so you were saying, what are some of the things? Executives are funny. Executives, entrepreneurs, it is all the same. I help people, and I have come up with this methodology called point proof period. There are so many things. We will take the number we can get. One of the things, it is almost like the more information that somebody knows, especially if it is like specialized information and they know so much, when they get asked a question, they ramble on and on. It is because they know so much.
The rate is going like 50 miles an hour, and they do not know how to structure their sentence or their answer, especially for Bloomberg or CNN or a really high-stakes meeting, right, or pitch. They go on and on. This is with entrepreneurs and stuff too. I created this thing called Point Truth Period, which is basically making your point. Whenever you are about to make your point, like when someone asks you a question, like if someone says to me, where was your most favorite place that you visited this summer?
I say, “I am going to do it wrong right now. This is how most people do it.” Think of different topics for this one. This summer I went to Italy, and then I went to Canada, and I went to Hawaii, and I loved them all. They were so great. I loved Hawaii because I saw sea turtles, the sand was so warm, and Canada was great. The people are so amazing. They say sorry all the time for stuff that I should have said sorry. If I am Canadian, I can say that. You are going on and on and on.
I am feeling it.
When you are asked a question, the higher the stakes, the shorter the answer.
The higher the stakes, the shorter the answer. I love that.
Think about CNN. Think about when we have done interviews. That answer is not concise. You are not making it.
You are not getting the sound bite, as we call it.
How do you do that? Okay. You make your point. Before you say your point, you ask yourself, “What is the question?” I know it is simple, but what is the question? The question is, where is the favorite, my favorite place I visited this summer? My favorite place is Italy. Then you have to come in with proof. Now you have to, a proof could mean a stat, it could mean a story, it could, it is context and their points. You add in. It is a short one. You add in, like, maybe two or three points. I will say, “My favorite place was Italy, and it is because I loved the food. The people were so warm and amazing, and the cobblestone streets and the little twinkly lights just made it so romantic.” The period has stopped.
I love it.
That is it. That is all you need.
They do not want your old summer story. What they are really trying to do is learn something about you, and it is a data point.
This is not like when you are talking with your best friends. This is like when it is a pitch, or if it is your elevator pitch, you meet somebody for the first time, or it is different in every situation. The point is interesting. The period is interesting. Proof, point, and then period. Period, you stop. Do you ever get it when, like, you stop, and I teach them to be comfortable with the pause?
The higher the stakes, the shorter your answer needs to be. Make your point, back it up with proof, and hit the period. Stop talking. Share on XBravo. God, you are good. That is what it is all about. Everyone who is talking is a joke. You already got the yes, and I shut up.
“Shut up. I am not going to ruin the entire deal.” Everything you say after that point discredits everything that you just said.
You are so good. It is psychology.
That is just one of the things that I love.
Give me another one, give me another one. It is so good. By the way, I have to introduce you to Brant Pinvidic. He endorsed my book. He wrote The 3-Minute Rule, a New York Times bestseller. You have got to look at it because you will be on the same page with him. I will connect you to him because that is what he does too.
I would love that.
In the 3-Minute Rule, it is not really an elevator pitch, because it is much more intelligent and deep than that, but he has helped so many people thrive the same way, and you just nailed exactly what his biggest point is. They get up, and they start rattling on stage about all the technical stuff. They think it is important because they love it. Nobody cares. It is important. Nobody cares.
No one understands it if it is a technical thing.
To your point, proof point period. There was this guy talking about oil. He ends his hour-long point-proof period. He ends his hour-long presentation. By the way, we can make money on $40 a barrel. It was an oil presentation. Brandt is like, “You start with that.” We know how to make money at $40 a barrel.
Here is why. This is the proof, and then stop. That is it. Everybody is going.
You will like Brandt. Give me another one.
Another one, which you naturally do, as I say, wait, I am going to say this one, because I really, there are so many. I believe that is the reason why you and I were hired for infomercials, and I put a lot of thought into this. It is because we had this way to connect with the audience. We connected with the audience. How did we connect? What makes us different from somebody who maybe got passed to do like 2 or 3 infomercials? Why did we get, like, I have done like probably over 40 infomercials? I know you would. I have probably done a lot, because you were too busy cooking, doing amazing other things. Other TV shows.
Connecting Emotionally By Feeling Through Your Words
They hired me because I had this ability to connect even when it was like super boring information. How do you connect? When I was at DirecTV, here I am. I am doing the customer news for DirecTV. I did it for 5 or 7 years. I had to teach people how to use a remote control. You cannot get more boring than that. You press this, and you do that. Wait. I realized that when you feel through your words, and you do this normally, like naturally, when you are on camera and when we did our infomercials, you feel the food. You feel through your words. You put emotion and feeling because if you are not, and I know it sounds weird, but you can say a sentence in so many different ways.
No, it is not weird at all. I totally agree. When you ask somebody a question, you see everything change when they are excited about it. Even though they have been boring you to death, and all of a sudden you happen to ask the right question. Let me tell you how that feels.
I had a woman ask me because I spoke at the small business convention in Pasadena, spoke four times. This one woman, she says, she goes, “What does that mean? I do not get it. I do not know what you mean.” I said, “Speak about something that you are passionate about. How do you phrase the words? How do you pause? How slowly do you speak?” Notice when you are talking about something that you are passionate about, sometimes you can speak really fast when you are really passionate about something as well.
Watch the feeling inside, take that and practice it, but it takes time. First, I always say to people, “Just keep talking about things and tell yourself that you are passionate about over and over. Tell stories, tell this and that, things that you know, like back to your head.” Once you hit that level, I understand what she means. Take that, implement it when you are talking about law.
Interesting, so you are saying tap into that feeling when you are talking about the remote control.
You do that when you are doing infomercials. Like when we were talking about our beautiful air fryer. We love that commercial. It is a product. We had fun with it. They did give me the product before. They gave it to me two months before. We had to learn. They tested us on it almost. Think about that day when we were shooting that infomercial. You were like, smell the chicken and da-da-da. That is why you are so good.
Even when we talk naturally, we are feeling through our words. That is instant connection. If you are not feeling it, the other person on the other side of the camera is not going to feel what you are saying. If you are just like this and you are talking about something super exciting, but you are just like this, “Yeah, it was really cool,” and you have this long post. This long video, they are going to go.
I always look at that lens like I am talking to you, each one of you separately. I am not addressing a camera. I am addressing a million individuals. Even when I am on stage, I am sure you do this too, or if not, correct me if I need to find a new way, but I try to purposely make eye contact with every single person in the audience at one point or another, because they deserve that. You cannot connect if you do not make eye contact. How do you make a remote control interesting?
I want to hear this. That is what it is. I would feel through my words.
I would press start on the program that you love.
You are already getting me excited. That is like an example right there. I remember saying, “Press the rewind button if you want to.” I say, “Press the rewind button if you miss that one part of the show that you love.” It is feelings through this technical stuff, and this is how I work with lawyers, and how I work with even people on the witness stand.
They are like, “I feel nothing.”
It is what makes a trial lawyer great as opposed to good. That is one of the things. It also has to do with phrasing and, like, which words to punch and all that. For some people, it comes naturally, like it kind of comes naturally to you, but it does not for everybody. They are super smart, super good at what they do. When you master communication, “Man, you are like, it is a superpower.” I have seen people take their businesses from here to here just because they can master communication.
What I always say, tell me your take on this. The reason I have done well in real estate too is that I say a story is always better than a spreadsheet. I do not want to hear.
Way better.
I do not want you to tell me that the play button is on the top left and the pause is in the middle. I want to hear, “I need another drink.” All you care about is “How do I pause this? I got it.” It is like they feel like they are in the room with you.
Stories are everything. People learn through stories. We save lives through stories. When you tell a story, and I always say this to people, like if there is a story within you, we all have our stories. We have all been through a lot, especially when you are a little bit later in life. Maybe not. Even young people have been through a lot. Share your story, and it is a mindset shift. Some people are like, “I really want to share my story, but who is going to listen, and who is going to care about what I have to say?”
It is really amazing that if there is a mindset shift where you are like, “Who can I help? Who can I teach?” It is not about, like, “I do not like the way I live or the way I sound.” Give what you wish you would get. People have so much knowledge to share. Share it, if it is your calling to share it. You want to build, especially if you want to build a brand around it with your social media. I know that social media has a lot of bad stuff too, but there is such great stuff we can do with social media.
Whatever you look for, you will find. I only find great stuff because that is what I am looking for.
Me too. I enjoy it.
We can all complain about it again. To your point too, it is like, do not be a victim, and nobody is going to save you. It is like, if you want to complain about everything that is wrong in the world, then that is where your brain is going to be. If you want to find the golden nuggets and collect them all and pass them around, you will be the distributor of gold.
Just look at somebody’s For You page. That will tell you everything about the person because it gives you what it is you are searching for, what it is you are listening to. Do you know the For You page on Instagram?
No. Do you mean like the bio?
No, like, so there is this page on Instagram where Instagram sends you stuff, sends you videos.
Stop chasing five different directions at once. True momentum kicks in the moment you commit to one thing and refuse to let up. Share on XThere is actually a separate page. It is like the many things you just hit for you. Do not even know how it comes up. That is how you can start feeding your algorithm.
It will send you stuff. I look at cat videos all the time. My For You page is like all cat videos. Just things like that. You just like mindless scrolling. It will send you so much more of that. It depends on whatever you want to fill your mind with. Another thing, when I was in my pivot years ago, is who you hang out with. This is so true. Who do you hang out with? What books do you read? What do you listen to? What are you searching for now on ChatGPT? What are you looking at? What are you feeding your mind?
That is the choreographer of your life. What are you choreographing? That is what I am. If you do not like your life, “You are the director, the producer, the casting agent, the choreographer. Change it. You do not like the lighting?” Change the lighting.
It is hard. I know. Especially at first.
Nothing worthwhile is, is it? One amazing thing in your life that was easy.
There are too many things.
It is like it really exists.
It is interesting. I just encourage people that if you have a voice to say, we have our phones to be able to expose our stories and help heal people and teach people and make a difference in people’s lives. Share yourself. If that is your calling, if it is not your calling, that is fine too.
Even our common friend David Garfinkel really helped me a lot with my recent book launch party. I have had some tragic stuff, as everybody has. That is life. He said, “Lean into it. It is your story. If you are not willing to be vulnerable and tell a good story, and what changed it for me is I think you just said it a little bit ago. If you really want to help, if that is what you are saying, and I want to help people reduce and make a difference, then I have to be willing to be vulnerable and share it all.”
Part of me was like, “Nobody wants to hear all that. I do not want to sound like a victim.” No, you do not have to sound like a victim. You can make it sound like you want it to sound. It was really powerful because then people are like, “If you are telling me this is how to live a joyful life and you have been through that and that, okay, I am listening.” It’s like your proof point. I am going to get up more often, proof point, period.
You have got to make your point first. What is the point?
I am proving something that I have not told you yet.
I was going to say something about what you were just saying that was quite interesting, and now I totally understand.
I am about to share your story about being vulnerable, what you want to share.
You have to be willing to be vulnerable, for sure, and go there. I cannot remember now. Sorry, Jeff. I was just like, I had a really good thing to say.
This is my fault. I threw you off.
No.
You and I could talk for hours, because there is so much good stuff. Life is such a beautiful place if you choose it to be so. It really is amazing.
You fill your heart with. Wait, what were you talking about before that?
I wanted to be vulnerable, share the story. I thought maybe people did not want to hear that, but that makes them realize it is worth pursuing this.
Anyways, that is okay.
It will hit you in a minute, like it always does.
It will hit me. See, there you go. There is the dyslexic. That just came out, you know?
That too, though. Everybody, whatever people’s challenges are, can also be your superpower. It just depends on how you choose to look at it. That is my biggest thing is trying to help people and stop the storytelling. The storytelling you and I are talking about is great, but to yourself. Many people that I love, they will be like, and then this, I wonder if they are thinking that. I am like, “Stop. All of this is made up.” You are going to make something up. Let us make up something great. Today is going to be the best day of my life. Story, but that is better than, “I bet they are never calling me back.”
I was just about to say the same thing. Use that as an example. We make up so many stories about what others think about us or what we think is going on. We can have this elaborate thing, and then we feel like they are saying this that we do not like because we are putting thoughts in our own minds, “They did this, and that is why they did it.” You find out later that that has nothing to do with anything.
Talk more about that, because this is one of my big three premises in the book, storytelling, circle control, and the personal constitution. Talk more about the storytelling.
Storytelling, know when you are telling yourself a story. It is a huge gift when you figure that out. People go on telling themselves stories for years and years and years and do not even know they are doing it.
By the way, what is happening when you do that?
You are festering.
You are reinforcing and solidifying the horrible non-truth. Trolling yourself into it.
You create more of what it is you are thinking, you know?
Even things that actually did happen, as I say to people, you tell it once, you are recounting the facts. You tell it twice, it is not a story. You are programming yourself in the wrong direction.
That is good.
Everything is about wiring. You have rewired beautifully. “I am this now, and I am doing this, and I have a reason to do this.” That is where your brain is going, right? Somebody who is like, “I cannot believe she left me.” They tell a story, and you are like, “This happened yesterday. Six years ago.”
It is all I would be saying to myself, “She left me like I was interested in women.”
I am an ex-life hack.
If I was like, yes, he left me or whatever, and then, six years ago, what I would say is, “He left me, great. Now who else can I meet? The world is your oyster.”
He did me a favor. Tell that story. Your most times it is meant to be. I would say, like, I think it was an Anthony Hopkins quote, or he quoted somebody else, but “What other people think of me? It is none of my business.” I really have mastered it. I am always a student, but there are a few things I feel like, not that you master anything, but I am really good at it and I do not let anybody’s opinion affect me. Unless I have something to learn. Always listening. Always looking for the other side of it. I know what I think. What she said makes a lot of sense. I should dig into that a little bit. Sometimes you might go, “You know what now?” Other times you will go, “Yes, there is a truth in there.” That is good.
It is like having a solid foundation and learning to trust yourself. Fall in love with your idea.
Fall in love with yourself. You have done well too.
Your thoughts and your ideas. If you believe in something, do not let somebody tell you that that is not what you should believe in. I am not talking about evil or mean stuff. I am talking about truths. Well said. If you have your own opinion or you do not feel right about something. Especially if it involves your gut, like which direction to go or what to do, you do not owe anybody anything. Nothing. That was also a lesson that I had to learn, “I am not this person on TV anymore.” I went, and I did yoga instructing, and then I did all these other things. I found what I actually really wanted to do. I just went full on. I just went, “This is it.” I went full on. I started five years ago.
See, that is like the premise behind the personal constitution, because once you find that, I mean, the reality is, yes, you were a pageant queen. Yes, you were a teen personality. What I am hearing is you are somebody who wants to affect others’ lives more than you take. That is what you found a way to do. That is, the real juicy stuff is not the story about what happened or who did what to you, but what are you trying to accomplish? In this situation, how do you do that?
You know what is interesting too? It is not always the people that are closest to you that believe in you on your current path. My clients are all people that I had never met three years ago. My clients are all new people. They are like, “I hear you, I love what you are teaching. I need some of that.” Do you know what I mean?
Yes, of course.
It is very interesting. I always say this to people that are building their brands, like, “What am I family going to think? What is my friend going to think?” I feel like they are not paying your bills.
By the way, it is like a forest for the trees. They are almost too close to you. They are too rewarding for a stranger. Like, “My wife and my kids are like, whatever it is.” When you are with a stranger, you are like, “My God.” You realize, “I do have something to offer.”
Eliminating Noise By Dominating One Core Mission
They see you for who you are at that point in your life, and it is very interesting. You just keep going and going, and I also say, find one thing.
There is your next book, One Thing.
There you go. That is right. It is true, if you find that one thing, because I was all over the map, I was trying this and that, which was great for that time. Eventually, I tried so many new things. I was so curious. I am like, “What do I want to do next?” I found my thing. Once I found that thing, I had to get rid of all the other things. I believe that success happens when you have that one thing and you do not stop no matter what.
You did not let the other things, for most people, be their identity. You did not say, “I cannot throw those away because that is who I am.” That is what I did. I cannot put those aside and do this one thing. You were right to write a book.
I know I do need to write a book. Many people have been saying that to me lately. I am going to take that.
You really should.
You are like, this week, literally, you are like the 10th person. I am like, “Maybe it is time.”
Again, that is the beauty, right? When I wrote this, I swear, in my life, like, “I do not care if I make a dollar. I want to get this on paper, and I want to make a difference.” I cannot wait for your book. I had the greatest experience. There were a handful of teenagers at the event. I am getting texts that they are doing their personal constitution, and it has changed their life. These are beautiful statements. It is like that to me. It is the paycheck. That is how a friend of mine says, “My son is so into this, and he is nineteen.”
I am like, “That is my dream.” You and I and everybody out there who is over, I do not know, whatever, 30, 40, or more, you figured it out the hard way, which is also valuable. Imagine if everything you are telling me now, you had somebody tell you that when you were 15, 14. Think about how life changed you. You have accomplished this, and maybe it would have been that, or maybe not. The point is, if we can help people with this stuff, the sooner, again, it is never too late to find the one thing.
It is interesting. How would it have changed my life had I known this? I would have been more peaceful through it all.
I love seeing you say that. That is the goal. My goal here is my definition of joy and what I am trying to accomplish with this book. I really mean this. I wake up, and I might say every day, of course, there are little exceptions, but I wake up every day loving my life, joyful in everything I do, regardless of what happens that day or who does something. For realtors, it is, and even for speakers. Whether you book a huge gig, close the big estro or have one cancel. If you are not equally joyful, that is your opportunity. You cannot let outside factors be your choreography.
I know. It is so hard when you are talking to people who are still going through the dark night of the soul. They are in it.
Dark night of the soul.
It is a thing. Life is not always easy. It is hard for people sometimes to hear that, and they might think, “It is easy for you because of this and that. You only got there because you have been through a few dark nights of the soul. You had a massive mind shift, I know, at that point.” There was a day or a thing that happened. You probably remember it. You know what I am talking about. Many of them were times when there was that massive inner, huge mindset shift thing that you embodied. You just go about your life differently.
The person who says, “It is easier for you,” that is the ultimate victim stance. Again, we all have those moments. Like I always say, “I fail constantly, just less. I recover faster.”
Yes, that is the thing.
You and I have had all this. It is not about perfection. It is not about I was born with it, but it is about training yourself to get back up quickly. Even if I have a moment like, Naya and I wrote this $59 offer a couple of weeks ago, and it fell through. We had a ten-minute kitty party. We were like, “I am so grateful that I got to meet this person. I am sure we will do something in the future. If not, that is okay too.”
That is true. You are fine. You are safe, you are happy, you are fine.
My life is not contingent on what happens or who is in my life, even though, of course, people in my life are in my life. You get to choose these things.
You really do.
Girl, what a treat to have you on.
I love it. Thank you.
We can literally talk for hours. It is so good to hear all this. It is so good to see you. We will have another one when your book comes out.
Thank you. I will let you know. I am going to take you up on that.
Thank you. I appreciate you.
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About Tanya Memme
Tanya Memme is an Emmy-nominated, award-winning television host, former Miss Canada, and sought-after international keynote speaker who has spent more than 25 years on national television inspiring millions of viewers worldwide . Known for her warmth, emotional truth, and unmatched storytelling presence, Tanya has become one of the most trusted voices in on-camera confidence, communication, and public presence.
Throughout her career, Tanya has hosted over 10 national television series , starred 15+ years on A&E’s hit series Sell This House , and appeared in 50+ commercials and infomercials, selling millions of dollars in products on television . Her television work has spanned major networks and platforms including A&E, FYI, TLC, BIO, ABC, CBS, Hallmark Channel, FOX, Disney, BBC, and Netflix , establishing her as a familiar and trusted presence across U.S. and international audiences.
Beyond the studio, Tanya has graced the most prestigious red carpets in Hollywood, interviewing top celebrities at the Emmy Awards, Grammy Awards, and People’s Choice Awards , refining her ability to communicate with clarity, confidence, and authenticity in high-pressure, high-visibility environments where presence matters instantly.
As a sought-after keynote speaker , Tanya delivers impactful keynotes and executive workshops for entrepreneurs, CEOs, leadership teams, creators, and professional organizations around the world. Her talks focus on confidence under pressure, authentic communication, executive presence, and visibility in the age of AI — blending real-world television experience, neuroscience-based confidence tools, and deeply human storytelling that resonates long after the event ends.
Tanya is the founder of Mastering The Spotlight™ , a transformational coaching and training platform designed for executives, entrepreneurs, and public-facing leaders who want to communicate with confidence, clarity, and credibility — on camera, on stage, and in leadership roles. Known as an Expert Public Personality Coach , Tanya teaches what AI can’t replicate: human presence. Her clients don’t just learn what to say — they learn how to be felt .
She has coached entrepreneurs, CEOs, executives, creators, and professional teams worldwide , building a global reputation as one of the most trusted leaders in on-camera confidence and communication.
Tanya also hosts the Life Masters Podcast , where she interviews individuals who have reinvented their lives after adversity, a reflection of her belief that confidence isn’t a personality trait, it’s learned with practiced.