Ever felt lost or unsure about the path you’re taking? In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of a personal constitution—a personalized roadmap for navigating life’s twists and turns. Think of it as your own guiding document, filled with your core values, beliefs, and long-term goals. We’ll break down how to create your own personal constitution, step-by-step, and explore its transformative power in shaping your decisions and well-being. By the end, you’ll have the tools to create a framework that empowers you to live a more purposeful and fulfilling life.”
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The Personal Constitution
Introduction
We use Google Maps. We use Waze to make sure we find our way where we’re going. What about for your soul? What about for your personal journey and your life? What do you use as your way of knowing where to go and how to get there? America is great. For most of the countries and companies that are great, it’s because they have a constitution or a culture that is more or less unbendable. It is like, “This is how we roll. This is what we do. You’re either in or you’re out.” That’s what makes it so powerful.
Importance Of A Personal Constitution
I remember decades ago, and I’ve talked about this in past episodes, I sat down and said, “I don’t like the way my life started. What am I going to do? How am I going to make it better? I need my own personal constitution.” That’s what I have. I love notes on the phone. I have everything in there, like things I’m grateful for, an I love my wife list, a kaizen, and all kinds of lists on how to be better, how to live better, and how to do better. One of the most powerful ones has been this personal constitution.
I want to go over that with you and see if it resonates and if it has some value. Unlike the regular Constitution, it is changeable because we change as people. You need to evolve and adapt, but it’s important that the core of it is mostly not changeable because it’s who you are and how you’re going to live your life. It’s a value system more than anything.
We have so many things coming at us that we need a filter to put things through. How do we make our decisions? What do we say no to? What do we say yes to? Every time you say yes, you’re writing that check with your time and your energy. Everything that is going to happen in your life is going to be based on those yeses and those noes, so what system do you use to filter that?
Gratitude And Optimism
Here’s my personal constitution. The first one, and I read this every single morning, is, “Gratitude and optimism are my lifeblood. Better every day for myself and those around me. Do the right thing. Bring joy.” When I was first writing this, I said, “Who am I? What drives me? What is my juice? What gets me going?” That’s what it is. It’s gratitude and optimism.
I’ve always believed in the best. I’ve always been grateful for what there is. I can’t remember who said this, but I love the quote, “Even though you may not have some of the things you want, be grateful for all the things you don’t have that you don’t want.” If you’re healthy, congrats. You got that. It’s always about finding what to be grateful for.
I did a whole episode on optimism. You can check that out if you’re interested. Better every day for myself and those around me. That is really what I’ve always believed in. By nature, I’m a hospitality guy. I’ve had restaurants. I’ve been a chef. I’m in real estate. I am serving clients and serving people. Vending joy is my passion and I feel like my purpose. That’s what I want to do. That sets it up. That’s the opener for me. What’s the opener for you? Who are you? What drives you? What is it that makes you want to move forward?
Presence Over Ego
The next one says, “I constantly work to be present and not serve the ego.” The first time years ago, I read Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. It’s a good read because it’s incredible. We all have an ego, and we should, but we need to keep it in check and not let it take us over. It’s so easy to be making decisions and doing things that serve the ego that aren’t really in your best interest. I see it quickly. I laugh at myself. I’m out and about with somebody or whatever and I say something. I think to myself, “That was such a pathetic ego boost. I said that to try to somehow give myself credit or to justify what’s going on right here.” It’s almost embarrassing but it’s exciting because I noticed it, kept my ego in check, and realized, “Pull back.”
We all have an ego, and we should, but we need to keep it in check and not let it take us over. Share on XAdoption Of The Four Agreements
The next four in a group come from The Four Agreements. If you haven’t read that, it’s another great book. This is my little twist on the four agreements that you should have with yourself. I wrote, “I’m impeccable with my words.” Words matter. Be very careful about what you choose to say, type, text, or email. Words make a difference, so do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t use words that aren’t going to help and that aren’t going to get you to a good place. Choose thoughtful words. Choose words that you mean. Say what matters.
I don’t take things personally. That’s huge. It sounds like something we all learn in kindergarten, yet all of us still fail all the time. It’s like, “You make it all about you like you’re the center of the universe.” It has nothing to do with me.” If that person is choosing not to work with me any longer or whatever it might be, I’m not going to take that personally. That’s a business decision or whatever it is. Even if it potentially is meant to be personal, I’m not going to take it personally because that doesn’t serve me and doesn’t do any good.
I wrote, “I don’t make assumptions.” That ties right into not taking things personally. I don’t make assumptions. If you can do that, your whole life will turn around. The amount of times we tell stories or make these assumptions that are just that. Nobody said that, did that, or meant that, but we are choosing to read into it. It creates this whole whirlwind. It could be positive sometimes, but it can also be super negative. You’re creating this whole storyline that doesn’t exist. No assumptions.
The last one is, “I make it happen.” That is always my default button. I’m like, “What do you need? I got it. Let’s make it happen. I’m on it. This is what we’re doing.” I go straight to that solution place or that get-it-done place, and sometimes, it doesn’t always serve me well. I love that saying that a good decision made quickly is far better than a perfect decision that takes forever. Every now and then, it’ll work against me. I’m like, “I should have slowed down. I should have thought a little bit further about it.” Overall in my life, having a make-it-happen attitude has always served me well.
Listening And Learning
The next one, I wrote down twice because I really needed it. It is, “I listen.” As you can tell from this show, I love to talk. I probably talk too much, but listening is where the great stuff happens. That’s where the magic’s at. As a realtor, I serve my clients best when I’m listening. It’s not about me. It’s not about what I want them to do. It’s not about what I think they should do. It’s about what they need and what is their goal. If I listen, I can serve that purpose. I can get what they need. I can make it happen. That only comes from listening. We should do a whole separate episode on listening.
Self-Regulation And Emotional Control
The next one is, “I make my own weather. I can choose to be in a good state of mind.” I really believe that. You have to stop. I’ve done it many times, and it has taken me years. Many times, all of a sudden, I’m feeling like I’m in this pissy mood and everything’s starting to bother me. In my morning readings, which is one of the first ones in my inspirational log, my superpower is that nothing bothers me.
Make your own weather. You can choose to be in a good state of mind. Share on XHere, I have, “I make my own weather. I can choose to be in a good state of mind.” I read that every morning, I remember that, and I do it. At the end of the day, there’s nothing happening that is making me not be in a good state of mind except that I’m allowing it. I make my own weather. I can choose to be in a good state of mind.
Judgment And Empathy
I do not judge others. I see your flaws, but I don’t see your struggles. That’s a huge one for me because it is so easy to look at other people and judge. We do that because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We’re like, “Look at her. Look at him. That makes me better.” It doesn’t. What we need more than ever is empathy. Go straight to the place of, “That can’t be the way they want to be.”
I’m being a little condescending, but what I jokingly say sometimes when somebody’s nasty is I look at the person I’m with or whatever and I go, “The fact that they have to be them is torture enough. We don’t need to add to it. It can’t be great walking around talking, feeling, and acting like X person is acting. Something’s going on behind that. They don’t want to be that way.” Stop and think, “I could easily label whatever I see, but I don’t know what’s going on behind that.”
The most amazing example of that is in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In the opening chapter, it’s this dad with his two kids running around in a subway car, knocking people’s papers out of their hands. They’re misbehaving and the dad’s doing nothing about it. All of a sudden, one of the passengers on the metro says, “It seems like you’re not noticing your kids are bothering everybody on the train here and not behaving. Maybe you should say something.” He says, “I’m so sorry. You’re right. I wasn’t paying attention. We left the hospital where their mom died. They’re probably out of it, and so am I.” You can imagine the guy was shocked. That was this screaming example of don’t judge because you don’t know what else is going on.
Assuming The Best In People
I assume the best in all people in all situations. You could say this is Pollyanna or whatever, but I believe in it. It feels better. If you want to be selfish, you’ll probably get more and it’ll serve you better by assuming the best in all people in all situations. If you take a wrong turn and you’re lost, look at it as a plus. You’re going to discover something you may be that you never expected. If somebody’s got something going on, I’m going to assume that they have something else happening in their life and it’s not about me. If I am there for them and support them, it’ll all work out.
Being A Role Model For Children
I wrote, “I am a proud example for my children.” That’s a big one for me too. I wrote this way before I had kids. I want to always be that proud example. You need a filter to put things through. It could be that one simple thing. If my kids knew about this and my kids saw me doing this, and my kids were watching, would they be proud? I do not sacrifice my true self for my self-image.
It’s really wild. I’m covered in tattoos. T-shirts are usually my outfit and some jewelry. When I started in real estate in 2001, I’d come from the kitchens full-time as a chef where it was a chef jacket and clogs. It was always casual. I then got into real estate and I thought, “I better have a suit on because I’m selling houses. Other realtors are wearing suits.”
I was sacrificing my true self for what I thought the world needed to see. It was like, “If you’re going to be a realtor out of the Beverly Hills office, you better look like that, whatever that means.” I no longer do that. I’m not going to sacrifice my true self. I’d rather have you not like me for exactly who I am than like me for somebody I’m not. That’s really important to me.
Family As A Guiding Light
I wrote, “I’m a husband and father first. I love and cherish my family.” That is my guiding light. I always remember the quote, “Who you are speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say.” I remember reading that quote many years ago and I loved it. To all you parents out there, that’s it. We can talk about all the right things to do, what it means to be a good person, and everything else, but if your kid sees you not paying for something at a restaurant or a store because they made a mistake, that’s the lesson you’re teaching them. It’s like, “Get away with what you can get away with.” They’re going to learn by watching, not by listening. That’s a big one for me.
Children learn by watching, not by listening. Share on XDoing The Right Thing
I wrote, “I always do the right thing. I always do what I say I’ll do.” That goes back to the four assumptions. I bring joy to the world one person at a time. That’s a big one for me. As I talked about in the optimism episode, I can’t change wars. I can’t get into DC and fix everything myself. What I can do is spread joy everywhere I go. If I can make each person I come in contact with feel a little bit better, I’m probably doing it selfishly because it makes me feel better. We start expanding that circle of joy and positivity. If we all do that, it can’t help but create great change in the world. I am the change I expect in the world. That came from the Obama times.
I wrote, “I always laugh and never take myself too seriously.” That’s a big one for me because I want to turn everything into a joke. Sometimes, it annoys my wife. I’m sure some of you that are my friends out there, when we’re out and about, you’re like, “There he goes again.” Not everything has to be a joke, but I find humor and laughter the greatest thing in the world. When you laugh, you feel better. When you can make someone else laugh, you make their day.
It’s too easy to think in my early real estate days, “I got to be a professional and sharp in my suit.” You can make a joke. You can talk to the client about other things. It’s people skills. You have to adapt to each person so that you’re being respectful and making them comfortable. It’s truly never taking yourself too seriously. Nothing good comes from that. There’s a big difference between taking yourself seriously and being a pro. You can not take yourself seriously but still be an amazing pro who cares very much about doing the right thing and getting the right results. You do it in a light, joyful way.
I wrote, “I am amassing a fortune and doing lots of good with it.” To be financially wealthy is important to me, but I will never let it be my master. True wealth starts by being happy with nothing. Anybody who says money doesn’t bring happiness has been poolside with a cocktail in the middle of a Wednesday because they can or are on a vacation around the world. Money makes you happy and brings joy. I always tell my kids, “One day, if you’re going to be miserable, it’s better to be miserable poolside.”
Life Is About Connection And People
With all that said, by itself, it’s worthless. If you had all the money in the world, all the cars in the world, or all the houses in the world and you were the only one in the world, you’d probably kill yourself. Life is about interaction, connection, and people. That’s what makes life great. It’s not the stuff you can buy. It’s not the bragging rights.
I read something that I thought was perfect. It was, “Have plenty more money than your monthly spending but not so much that it makes you a prisoner to your money.” You want to be free. That’s a thing. More than ever, I value freedom and flexibility. As Leonard Steinberg at our Compass headquarters always says, “Time is the most valuable asset there is.”
For a lot of people, it’s crazy. The richer you get, it almost becomes a prison. Everything is worrying. You’re like, “Who’s trying to get my money? Who’s trying to take my money? I got to set up this entity, that entity, this tax loop, and that tax loop.” For some of you, if that’s your world and you love it, then that’s great. Somebody on Instagram said, “I don’t agree with what you’re saying about that.” I love that because we don’t need everyone to think the same way. If your life is going great and works for you, keep at it. Pedal to the metal.
The Journey And Loving Life
This is for those who may resonate with it and think, “I’m fighting to be some billionaire and I’m not enjoying the journey.” That, for me, is always the test. It’s not what’s in my bank balance, but do I wake up every day and love the journey? Am I wanting what I have more than trying to have what I want? If you’re doing those things, you’ve got money and perspective. To me, the richest person in the world is the one who loves their life. That should really be the litmus test. I love my life. If you can say that, you’re as rich as it gets.
I wrote, “I take care of myself so that I can always take care of others.” This means exercising sufficiently, eating properly, doing everything in moderation, and always expanding my mind. This is a really important one for me. I’m going through my life. I’m doing my business. I’m saying yes and no to different things. These are all filters that everything has to pass through. I’m like, “Is this decision I’m about to make? Is this business I’m going to do? Is this property I’m going to buy?” or whatever it is. I’m like, “Am I going to be able to expand my mind? Am I going to be able to do things in moderation? Am I going to have the time to exercise? Am I going to have the time to take care of others?” These are the things that matter to me. That’s how I filter what I decide to do with my time.
I wrote, “My body is healing every day. My immune system is stronger every day.” I added those two a couple of years ago. I got a full knee replacement after having three ACL surgeries. I had a hip replacement. I don’t exactly look young, but I don’t look like I’m 80. That’s the surgeries I’ve had, and I don’t have any regrets.
I almost had my third-degree black belt in Taekwondo. I was going for my third-degree black belt when I blew my knee out, and then I blew it out again. It became a spiral. It’s okay because I’d rather blow my knee out and have the feeling of flying through the air, doing a jump-spinning sidekick, and having pushed my body to the furthest level in this sport of martial arts that I love so much. I have no regrets.
As I had these surgeries, at the beginning, I was fighting and was like, “I want to throw that kick. I want to be out there surfing. I want to do all these things.” I had to remind myself, “My body is healing every day. My immune system is stronger every day.” In Becoming Supernatural by Joe Dispenza, I really believe that what you think changes the cell structure in your body. It does affect your physical being. I always keep that in mind.
I wrote, “I’m constantly learning something.” Without a doubt, I’d love to hear your guys’ feedback if I’m crazy or if you agree. When you’re learning, you’re happy. Somehow, we are meant to move forward. Human beings are amazing. I love people. It’s fascinating. Every time I go to the gym and I look across the room, everybody’s there trying to make themselves better or making the effort to be better, whatever that means. I don’t judge where they’re at. I judge the fact that they’re here and they’re doing it.
I do French class. I’ve been doing language classes for years. I’m pretty good at Spanish. I’m getting pretty good at French. Italian is next. I’m always doing my wine tasting, smelling these smell kits that I have. I’m starting to watch YouTube videos to learn how to play the conga drum because it’d be fun. In my business, real estate, I’m always learning the laws. What’s changing? What’s happening? For any of you who are aware of this huge NAR settlement in real estate, it has affected the way commissions are done. I love to learn because when I’m learning, I feel better. When I’m better, I can help other people be better, and I love that.
Personal Constitution For Decision-Making
If this is my personal constitution and I’m going to say yes or no to something, I’m going to stop and say, “Is it going to fit my plan here?” It’s really important to have this constitution because if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. I believe this. Nobody plans to do bad or be bad. There’s a small percentage of the population that was born that way or that’s how they are. They’re playing their notes. They’re playing their part in this symphony we call life. For the most part, people mean well and want to do well, but it happens very slowly.
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. Share on XIt’s like the frog in the pot theory. You put a frog in a pot of water and turn on the heat full blast. By the time it realizes the water’s too hot, it boils to death because it happens so gradually. If you drop something in boiling water, they’re going to jump away quickly because it’s a shock. The dangerous moves are the ones that are slow and they affect you. A great book is Atomic Habits. It’s the compound effect. Every little thing you do stacks upon itself and the other thing you’re doing. The old joke is, “How did you get rich?” or, “How did you go broke?” very slowly, and then all of a sudden, it blows up. Be aware of that.
Work-Life Balance And Focus On Actions
I wrote, “I know work will fill the space I give it. I will only give it the amount of time that allows me to enjoy life, pursue my passions, and give more than I take.” That’s important to me. That’s one of the biggest ones that I’m proud to say I’ve done most of my life. When I had my restaurants early on when I was 24 years old, I worked 20 hours a day. I had so much energy I’d be doing pushups. We lived in a high-rise in San Francisco. I’d be doing pushups at the elevator at 5:00 in the morning after 3 hours of sleep because I wanted to get my exercise in before I got back to the restaurant and started chopping away, prepping away, and cooking.
There was a period when I was building my restaurants that I was 6 days a week, 20 hours a day sometimes. My version of balance was no matter what, I took Tuesdays off. My amazing hot girlfriend who is now the wife and woman of my dreams for almost 30 years was always waiting for me on Tuesdays. I didn’t care if we were short-staffed. I didn’t care if the restaurant burnt down. I said, “Sweep it up and call me in the morning because I’m not coming in.” That was my version of balance then.
I’ve only gotten better throughout my life as a realtor. 24/7 is what most realtors do. As my coach, Steve Shull, said for years, “Do you know why realtors work seven days? It’s because they won’t work five.” If you really focus and decide on what you need to get done, forget about business plans and long-term goals. No offense to all you planners out there. Some of you have to do that for your company or whatever. I’ve never been into that for the last couple of years because I know that if I focus on my actions and know that if I get up and do these six things every day, I will be successful. It’s proving to work. Focus on the actions and not just, “I’m going to make this much,” or, “This is what’s going to happen by 2032.”
Setting And Achieving Life Goals
I have two napkins from Paris. Nadia, my wife, and I, the first time we went was many years ago and the other time was a couple of years ago. We were having a drink and smoking a cigar at the restaurant because we were allowed to. We wrote down these things about where we were going to be. Many years ago, we said, “Here’s where we’ll be in twenty years.” A couple of years ago, we said, “Here’s where we’ll be in ten years.” It’s mind-blowing that we are there. We are almost there except that I’m not speaking fluent Italian. How we got there was the actions that we take every day. It was not the focus on this big picture thing, but, “What do I need to do when I wake up today?” That’s important.
You’ll also work much more efficiently. I really believe that. I even think that’s why COVID was the greatest thing ever. Unfortunately, not for the people who were sick or terribly died. Minus that, bosses realized people would get their stuff done on their own time in their own way. You don’t have to micromanage them. It was a gift to let people have that freedom, and I’m a huge fan of that. If you say, “I am only going to work four days a week,” guess what? You’ll get it done in four days. If you won’t, then you’re not going to get it done in seven either. That’s the important message. Either you’re willing to do what it takes or you’re not. It’s not about how much time you give it.
People will get their stuff done on their own time in their own way. You don’t have to micromanage them. Share on XI wrote down, “I am peaceful.” That has always been there because I don’t want to always remember that. That is a big one in my personal constitution. I want to feel peaceful. I want to feel like I’m a good person doing the right thing and making it happen. It’s hard to be peaceful if you’re not. That’s an important one for me.
Validation And Self-Worth
I wrote, “I’m always grateful, but I will never forget that I’ve earned it. I’m so worth it, and I will not let my need for validation define me.” That’s a big disclosure for me because it was a real wake-up call when I was runner-up in the Next Food Network star back in 2010. I remember every interview I did. I did it all. I was on Grill It with Bobby Flay, Chopped All-Stars, Rachael Ray, and Dr. Oz. You name it, I did it. I threw the first pitch out of the Dodgers, which for you sports fans is a big deal. I was like, “I’ll do it.” I didn’t even know what that meant.
The incredible thing was I had this guy say to me one time in an interview, “You seem too grateful. Do you not think you deserve to be here?” I was like, “Whoa.” It’s true. I never got that love or attention from my mom. My dad was murdered when I was very young. My mom was a train wreck. My grandparents weren’t around. On my dad’s side, they were, and they were amazing. They were like our only savior.
If you’re a chef or you’re into service hospitality, it’s almost like you need to fill that void of being appreciated. I’ve worked through that. That’s why I wrote this one down. This one I added in 2010, which is, “I will not let my need for validation find me. I’m not going to do things to get approval. I’m going to be proud of what I’ve earned, do what I believe in, be grateful for what I have, and not need to explain anything.”
The last one, I wrote in bold, which are my non-negotiables. This is another way to sum it up and have a few filters or a few lenses to look through by category. The first one is my children. I wrote, “Be the example, inspiration, and non-judgment.” Those are the criteria I use as a father. I want to inspire them. I want them to be excited and to see what they can accomplish in this world. I want to be a great example. I don’t want to judge them. It’s not for me to decide what they do. I want them to have their best life. Trying to apply my criteria to them is not helpful or healthy.
I wrote, “The mother of my children and the woman of my dreams always feels like the most special woman in the world. I will always love her for exactly who she is, not who I want her to be.” I added that last sentence a few years ago. We were going through some tough stuff. It was a real wake-up call, like, “Don’t ever forget that.”
The person you’re with, hopefully, you marry them for the right reason or you’re with them for the right reasons and you fall in love with them for who they were. That’s what made you excited about them, not because you wanted them to do things around the house this way, drive this way, or spend money this way. You’re with them for who they are, not who you want them to be. I always keep that in mind.
I always say, “Does my wife feel cherished? Does she feel like the most special woman in the world?” She deserves that. This sounds a little shallow and weird, but it’s one of those things I put down. I wrote, “I’ll always have a six-pack and be able to do the splits.” The splits came from martial arts. I was young. I couldn’t even touch my knees, let alone my toes, so I started stretching like crazy. When I started martial arts, that was my goal. I was like, “I got to be able to do the splits.” I’ve been able to do the splits since I was eighteen years old.
Having a six-pack sounds so vain and silly. The reason I put that was because I remember being a young guy and seeing all these 40-year-olds-plus with this beer belly and being out of shape. I thought to myself like, “At what point are you supposed to stop caring about your physicality?” It’s not because I want to be on the beach and impress anybody, although it’s not the worst thing in the world. The truth is, to me, it’s symbolic of your health and how you’re living your life.
If you’ve got a beer belly or whatever the thing is you want to point out, chances are that means something’s not right. Either you’re not exercising enough or you’re not eating right. It’s harder as you get older. That’s why you have to keep being better every day. There’s no such thing as stagnation. Those physical attributes are my litmus test to make sure I’m staying healthy and staying in the place I want to be.
I wrote, “Mental, mindset, and kaizen.” Mindset is what this entire show is about. We have a choice in the lens we look through how we see the world, how we see our day, and how we see any given situation. I want to always focus on showing up with the right mindset. All the business plans in the world, all the connections in the world, all the studying, and the hard work in the world won’t land even a fraction of what you want it to land if you don’t show up as your best self.
Kaizen And Personal Improvement
Kaizen is the Japanese philosophy of being 1% better every day. It’s a great book. It’s about being slightly better. Don’t try to change the world overnight. As you would never tell yourself I’ll be fluent in French in a week, don’t tell yourself you’re going to lose all this weight in a short amount of time or that you’re going to change all your ways in a short amount of time because you’ll end up being worse off because you’ll be disappointed. If you can be 1% better every day, that’s doable. The compound effect of that is you’re 37% better a year. Whatever that calculates to in ten years, it’s incredible.
Financial is very simple for me. A lot of people have a number. They’re like, “Once I have X, I’ll be happy or I’ll be retired.” For me, it’s freedom. If I can get up and do what I want to do when I want to do it, go where I want to go and buy what I want to buy within reason, and I am not talking about jets and all that kind of stuff but in general, financial freedom, to me, is magic.
The last one is spiritual. We all have a different definition of that. For me, it’s being present to manifest what I believe in, to not have any would-haves, should-haves, or could-haves, and amor fati. It is not only not believing in fate, which I don’t fully believe in, but treating everything as it was supposed to happen. When you do that, you stop fighting everything. You not only accept what is, but you are excited about it because it means something. It’s supposed to be part of your script in life.
Treat everything as it was supposed to happen. When you do that, you stop fighting everything. Share on XThat sums it up. Every day, I read this. I have my inspiration log. In there, I copy-paste all kinds of quotes, sayings, and things other people said. It has made my life amazing, and I hope it can help yours. If you think about starting your personal constitution, write down the first piece of it. Anybody who wants a copy of this, reach out to me and I’ll email it to you. I hope you have a beautiful day. Thanks for your time, as always. Cheers.