In this special six-part series, Jeffrey Saad shares in-depth conversations with his business coach and mentor Steve Shull. Tune in to this first episode as Jeffrey shares how he found his way into the restaurant business, fell in love with it, and now enjoys huge success as a savvy restaurateur. He opens up how he learned to be comfortable with failure, turned them into growth opportunities, and allowed them to become his inspiration to do better. Jeffrey also talks about the power of setting a positive mindset every time you wake up, which will dictate the positive flow of your day no matter what unfolds in the next 24 hours.
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Conversations With My Coach (Part 1 of 6)
I want to introduce Jeffrey Saad. Jeffrey, we’ve known each other for how long?
It’s like twenty-plus years now.
How Jeffrey Got Into The Restaurant World
All right. Long time. Amazing. The reason why I wanted to do this with Jeffrey, Jeffrey is absolutely the most positive, infectious person you’re ever going to meet on planet Earth. When it comes to attitude and mindset, it doesn’t get any better than Jeffrey. What we want to do here is just really dive into your journey, your personal philosophies, what you’re doing in business. Each episode, we’re going to have a new topic to talk about. We’re going to do two parts in this episode. Part 1 is we’re going to talk personal stuff, and then part 2, we’re going to get into business. Jeffrey, why don’t you give the audience a little bit of background on your life history? Start wherever you want.
Starting with you, Steve. It was the luckiest day when I walked to the Coldwell Banker office. I’ll never forget in 2001. They’re like, “Yeah, this coach guy’s here. You should probably meet him.” You said something like, “What are you going to do this year? How much?” I was like, “I don’t know you.” You’re like, “Well, then, how are you going to get there? You don’t even know what your target is.” That was like most blessed day ever. I brought all this energy and excitement for the business. I’m going to conquer real estate, but I was like a Mustang car engine on a baby’s body, like all this power, but no stability, no direction, just all go and you put me on that path.
That was the beginning of transitioning from restaurants to real estate with this idea that what gets measured gets done. If you have a plan and you know where you’re going, you have a better chance at ending up getting there. As you know, I met you roughly in 2001. I just finished my restaurant chapter. I was a thirteen-year-old kid, and I was way too much of a wimp to play basketball, to play football. Sports is what I love. I was like, “This isn’t happening. My sister kicked my ass. I’m not going to be an athlete.” That’s how it is. I went into this little diner behind my junior high school and got a job as a dishwasher and started washing dishes.
I kept looking through the window of the guys cooking, and I thought, “This is cool. They got their little hats on, and they’re in front of the flames. This just seems cool.” Slowly, I got promoted to be a little cook. That one little moment of deciding to walk into that diner and then deciding that that cooking thing looked interesting has just changed my whole life.
Where’d it go from there?
I finally get to be on the line cooking, but of course, this is like a diner. I’m reaching down, I grab the frozen patty.
Where is this?
I grew up from Chicago, Illinois. This is in the suburb called Hinsdale, which anyone that knows Hinsdale knows is another way of saying Disneyland. It was like it is a bubble. It was a blessed childhood in that sense, for sure, where it was just Shangri-la. This restaurant was called the Piccadilly. It was really funny because, Steve, all these little things affect the trajectory of your life and how you think, especially if you choose to take them in.
I will never forget this. The owner of this little diner, the Piccadilly, had a handicapped child and all these challenges. This guy would work seventeen hours a day, make just enough money to get home to take care of his kid. I remember the stories. It’s been so long. I was thirteen. I remember the sadness in his eyes, but the determination, do what it takes to make this happen.
Instantly, I had this respect and this empathy for like he’s going through stuff, but he’s still getting it done. He’s still kind. He never acted like any a victim. It was just like, “This is what we got in front of us. This is what we do.” When I got promoted as a cook, I throw this frozen burger on the griddle and the water burns off it, a little piece of American cheese melting down this side, a bun, put it up in the window. I’ll never forget the moment looking out into the dining room through the window and seeing this person just bite into it. It was like a commercial they didn’t know they were filming. It was just joy.
In that moment, I said, “That’s what I’m doing. I’m going to vend joy via food. I’m opening a restaurant. I’m going to be a chef.” I just knew it. I’m like, “This is what I’ve got to do.” I was so intrigued by the food. I just found it fascinating. Even though the Burger Supreme was a frozen burger with a chunk of iceberg lettuce and thousand island bottle dressing over it, I was like, “Look at that garnish.”
Was it the food? Was it the experience? What drew you in?
I had a really crappy childhood. Really abusive mom. Dad died when I was young. It’s always funny. I always say, when you look back, you’re telling the story you want to tell partly, but it’s the best I can remember and that’s all I can remember. I just remember finding some love in the restaurant world. It’s a family in the restaurant business. The interaction with the servers.
I was a little bit of a shy guy back then. I had my little brown framed glasses on. Of course, perfect example of comparison is the thief of joy. Be only you. I tried to be my friend Lane who had this long flowing hair, and his mom got him this little perm. I said, “Mom, I want a perm too, I guess.” She takes me to her hairdresser. I got a bouffant.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Be only you. Share on XI know those days.
You can’t imagine. Big old glasses. I was shy, but I felt this connection to the servers, to the cooks, and we’re all working together in this mission to create something delicious, to make somebody happy, to give somebody 30 minutes of happiness in their day. No matter what was going on, I knew that I could make them happier for those 30 minutes, hour, whatever it was. I just loved it.
I was independent right from the get-go. Where we lived, you could walk to elementary school, your parents would walk you. My parents were not allowed to walk me. They had to be behind me. I walked out in front. For me, it’s always present, this idea. This is why we’re doing this show. I love the way you think. I love the way you act. I love the way you’ve built your life. I want to get as much good out into the world that I possibly can.
I love this guy, but it’s true. That’s my whole slogan. Bring joy. It’s like we can’t change the wars, the politics. You’re one person. Even if you choose to dedicate your entire life to it, you’re sure you’ll make a difference, but the average person, we have to have deal with life. What we can do is bring joy wherever we go. That’s what I always say. I’m throwing out a twenty-foot radius wherever I go. If I can bring joy, and if I can make people feel good and be better and do better, and map spreads, hello.
Keeping Focused On The Goal
I was thinking about this. Inside of all of us, there’s a life force that keeps us going. Yet, at the same time, most people just keep playing to their fears. They trust their fear more than their life force. That’s the big shift. In my coaching, if you want to change your life for the positive, it’s about learning to let go of your fear. I know we’re going to do a little shift here, but you love to surf. You just drove up on your motorcycle, which goes 200 miles an hour, and we’re going to get into that. You love your martial arts, you love your cooking. You truly have some real passions. Talk about surfing, talk about the motorcycle, talk about martial arts.
To your point, it’s like, I’ve always believed this. I think I read it ages ago. I started that even when I was very young and had the kids. I’d get up very early and go read. That was my get better time, before the world woke up. I always love that saying like, “Worry is a complete waste of time. 90% of it will never come true, and the other 10% you have no control over, so what is the point?” I embraced that early.
When did you embrace that?
I’m not kidding you. I think it was in my readings at the Laurel Village Starbucks when I had my first restaurants 1993, ‘94. I loved it. Those are the things that guide your action. If you don’t have a filter to put things through, then everything’s going to be all over the place. You’re always going to be pulled by something else. To answer your question, with all these passions I have, I always said, “I’m not going to worry. A lot of this stuff might be dangerous, but you know what? I don’t have time to worry about that. What I don’t want to do is die with any would’ves, should’ves, could’ves. I’m only going to die with thank you. It’s going to be my last thought with a big smile on my face because I left it all there. Whether I die when I leave today, or whether it’s in 30 years, hopefully.
That’s real.
The key to success is more failure faster.
As you’re talking, what really comes up for me, I think, something, again, we share, we just jump. I’ve got to go do that. My first wife made this comment. She said, “When you make your mind up, you just go. You never have a plan B. The idea that you might fail is never one of the options on the table. You go.”
That’s what it is. I love that about you, Steve. That’s what you give to all of us as your clients, and think about it, it’s all a story anyway. You think you’re going to prepare, what does that really mean? My son was a skateboarder. He started with 1 stair at a time and worked his way up to jumping 10 stairs. We’re not suggesting here go jump ten stairs on day one on a skateboard. Once you have a base, the way you’re going to find out is to do it. The doing is so rewarding, and there is no failure. My last restaurant failed. I would do it all over again. It was so joyful because the journey is great. I think that’s the real thing. If you’re tied to the outcome, if it’s like, “I’m going to do this because I’ll get this,” you’re screwed.
Getting Into The Food Network
Again, I think something that we both do is figure out how to make it work versus worrying about why it might not work and trying to head off disaster. If we fail, we fail. There’s a great lesson in there too. One of my favorite Jeffrey stories is you’re on The Next Food Network Star. That was a big deal.
Epic. One of the best chapters of my entire life and one of the ultimate moments of discomfort and pushing through. It was unbelievable.
How did you get on the show to begin with? That’s an accomplishment in and of itself.
A good friend at the time, he goes, “Screw you, man. You just decide you’re going to be on The Food Network and then you are. How does that happen?” It happens with a little bit of luck. It happens with some timing, but it also happens with, like you said, F plan B. I’m doing this. The funny part was, we had killed it in real estate. It was 2008. We had had an amazing seven-year run. Thanks to you, we hit our goals. We were killing it.
All of a sudden, I had this friend down from San Francisco for dinner, this girl that’s friends with Nadia and I. I’m cooking for them and putting it up on the counter and talking about it. “The key to this is the way the char is on the edge. That’s what makes the medium rare taste so good.” This girl looks at me and goes, “You need to be on The Food Network. This is ridiculous. The way you describe food is ridiculous. I love it.” For me, it’s like it’s pouring over. I’m not even thinking about it. That girl, Tanya, thank you, Tanya, changed the trajectory, and then of course, having an amazing wife like Nadia. Nadia and I are great balance because she’s always fearful.
She’s got the Plan B.
She’s playing C, D and E, locked and loaded, baby. There’s this great picture of her and I in a rollercoaster. When you come to Disneyland, you come out and they have just snap the secret shot. I’m like, “Ah.” She’s holding on.
Developing Your Personal Constitution
You’ve developed what I call your personal constitution for how you want to live your life. Just like the constitution for the country, you’ve got it written out, and you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into this over the years. We talk about recipes and repetitions. Excellence is not a single act. It is a habit. It is doing things over and over again. To set the stage for this, I want to go back. You mentioned in your childhood, you had a very traumatic experience early on. Why don’t you share with the audience what you had to deal with early on in life?
When I say I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, you probably wouldn’t think it started that way. My father was found shot to death in my bed. I was 6, 7 years old, and we were down at the breakfast table. Our summer girl, we called her then, it was like a live-in babysitter, hears this noise upstairs. It was really interesting, actually, because I got to reconnect with that summer girl after 50 years. We connected and had a conversation. We could talk about that in our time. She confirmed all this.
My mom was like, “No, let him sleep. He’s just tired.” My dad didn’t sleep and the summer girl insisted on going up there, and he was moaning and on his last breath, shot in the head, dead. We were rushed out of the house and it was all so confusing. My mom went on trial for murder. Somehow, she was acquitted, even though there was a witness that said, “She tried to hire me to kill him.” I still think our American court system is a great one, but you wonder how does this stuff play out? The crazy part is, I spent many years trying to hear my mom’s side and understand her.
I really did. Again, it was that thing. I love this whole concept. If you want something from somebody else, give it to them instead. Use that empathy times ten, but she wouldn’t do it. I finally said I want her out of my life. It’s not worth it. Even if it’s your mother, if she’s going to bring this drama and tragedy to life and have no desire to take it to a different level, then I need to be done. It was one of the greatest decisions I ever made.
If you want something from somebody else, give it to them instead. Share on XTalking about recipes, you like to spend that first hour and a half just thinking about how you want to show up to life.
That’s the recipe and the repetition right there. It’s a reminder. Wake up every day. That’s what I’m so grateful for. Whether you’re sick or hurt or something went wrong, every day is fresh. We’re so blessed and our bodies heal so quickly. You have another chance, guess what? You got another chance. Here it is. Good morning. Another chance. Do it right today. Start today.
It’s honoring that life force that is pushing us forward. It’s there. We don’t have to create it. It’s what created us. It’s learning how to honor it. I think that’s what you’re doing more than anything else. You’re honoring your life force and taking time every morning to get in touch with who you are.
I believe in energy, Steve. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. We say to ourselves, “Everything’s energy.” It is no coincidence. I’m sorry for anybody out there that suffers and struggles, but I want people to think about it. You’re following your script perfectly. Congratulations. You are absolutely living the life that you have scripted out. It’s not out there that’s doing this to you. I know everyone has challenges and there’s things that come your way that you can’t control, but what you can always control is your reaction and your scripting and how you’re going to deal with it.
I think there’s a huge opportunity to just say, “No, this is the way it’s going to be. This is how I’m going to live.” As a result, there’s no coincidence where some people, they’re always sick, they always have a problem. I remember from when I was young, I just said, “This is easy.” One of my first chefs that I love the guy, Arnold Rossman, he was so inspirational to me. He used to make fun of me because every day I’d walk into the restaurant, I’m like, “It’s going to be a great day. Let’s make it happen.”
He’d be like, “F***,” but he loved it because it was like if you go in saying, “It’s going to be a great day, let’s make it happen,” I guarantee you, coincidentally, it’ll be a better day. I look back on my life and I feel like everything’s been easy. It’s even caused some conflict in my son. He’s like, “You make everything seem so easy.” It’s because I just think it is. It doesn’t mean it is, but I go into it acting like it is, which makes it easier and more fun. That’s the opportunity. If you decide ahead of time, “This is going to be really hard,” congratulations, it probably will be.
This is the key point. We get to choose how we experience anything. It’s the difference between waking up every day, coming from a place of worry and doubt versus waking up every day coming from a place of awe and wonder. It’s really that black and white.
I have this silly little analogy I created. They put two people, they put you on a rollercoaster. They say there’s eight drops, but after one of them, there’s a brick wall, you’re done. You got two choices. You get on the rollercoaster, and for every drop you go, “Woo,” or you go, “Wait a second, we’ve been through 3 drops and there’s 8 total. That’s 30%, so that means the chances of this next one,” you’re still going to hit the wall.
Smile into the wall or cry into the wall, the wall’s not going away. Chances are, if you bring enough joy to your world, maybe you’ll end up on a coaster that doesn’t have the wall because that’s what you’re attracting and that’s what you’re putting out there. I think it’s so important for people to understand, like, I fail often all the time. I’m not reading you what happens actually in my life every day. I’m reading you why my life is better every day because this is my intention and this is where I put my focus.
I’m still going to have challenges. I’m still going to fail. I’m still going to have something bother me, but guess what? I still land at a higher place. If you’re always spiraling up every time you fall, you’re still at a higher place. If you’re always miserable and unhappy, you’re going to keep landing at a lower place. It’s not about, “This is how we achieve perfection.” It’s about how does the journey get as delicious as possible.
Figure Out What Makes You Joyful
It’s the idea, the more discomfort we can experience, the more of life we can experience, and the more of life we are going to experience, the richer, fuller way we’re going to experience life. We’re going to wrap this episode up.
We could go all day and night and you’d be asleep and we’d still be going.
Let’s end it up with a recipe. What would be the recipe that you would give people? What do they need to be doing on a daily basis to get their head in the right place?
I think you need figure out what makes you joyful. One part joy, one part optimism, stir them together, pour them over the expectation of a great day and just sip away at it. Believe that everything is out of your control, as you always say, and that you’re just going to go into the day expecting the best. Just start with that. “Today’s going to be the greatest day of my life.” Maybe it won’t, but I promise you it’ll be a little bit better because of that.
This idea of control, and people want to control everything, what’s your take on that? Are you trying to control anything?
Nothing. You and I are so aligned because it’s like, and it is so freeing. It is so freeing to know that you don’t have control other than your reaction. That’s what I love. I only focus on my reaction. Everything else is none of my business. I say what other people think of me is none of my business. Whatever’s going to happen to me is none of my business. My business is how am I going to react?
It is so freeing to know that you do not have to control anything other than your reaction. Share on XWhat’s incredible about it too is you can change the world that way because slowly, when the people next to you see how you react and they feel better, then they want to react better and we keep it going. That’s joyful. My son even said it to me when I was running around, hurried. He’s like, “Dad, I know you. You’ll get it all done by the end of the day either way.” It was a great reset for me because it’s so easy. Going like this doesn’t make things happen faster. Going like this doesn’t make things smoother. There are only so many minutes in a day, so just let it roll.
It’s not about being perfect. None of us are, none of us ever will be.
Next episode, our wives will get on and spend the entire hour talking about our faults, and they’ll be right.
What I try and do is never judge myself. I will evaluate, “That wasn’t too good. That was stupid. Let’s not do that again,” but I leave it at that. I leave it at that and say, “Okay, next time, I don’t sit there.” One of my pet little theories. Life is hard enough. I don’t need to be piling on to it. I see this exercise, this recipe, it’s how not to make things harder.
That’s it. We’re just trying to make it less hard. I love that you said that because we’re all human. I fail off and we’re all going to fail off and bounce back quickly and it’s not about, “I’m terrible.” It’s just about, “That time, that’s what I’m going to do differently. Got it.”
Not, “Let’s not do that again.” It’s, “Let’s not make that same mistake again.” I don’t need to feel bad. A guy who we both know, Fred Wilson, “It’s only a mistake if you don’t learn from it.” We’re going to make mistakes in life. We’re going to make mistakes every single day.
That’s how you get better.
Episode one in the books. We’ll be back for part two. Thanks for reading.
Thank you all.