Jeffrey Saad continues his discussions about unlocking your best self. In this second part, he explains why you should only focus on things you can control and learn to let go of those you cannot. He shares why staying true to your core values and passions is key to living authentically and away from other people’s expectations. Jeffrey also talks about the power of creating a personal constitution in living your best life by sharing his own, which is centered on gratitude, optimism, and moving forward.
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How To Unlock Your Best Self – Part 2
Getting Into A Road Accident
The next tipping point was literally a tipping point. I had the woman of my dreams and my new pathfinder that I had just paid for myself. First time I ever paid anything. My mother, while I was in college, lost everything. The sheriff threw her out of the house. I never saw my room again or my stuff. I took on debt, which, again, poor me. Most people take on debt to go through school. That was the end of the money.
It was another example too, by the way, which we’re going to get to later. Money is not the answer. It’s a beautiful thing. I always say, “I’d rather be miserable poolside,” but money is not everything. When COVID struck, it was hilarious. Not used to laugh because we had clients, when COVID started, like, “Maybe we should hold off on the search because we don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe it’s the end of the world or whatever.”
I’m like, “If it’s the end of the world, don’t you want to be by the pool? What are you going to do with the money anyway? It’s more the reason to buy.” The stories we tell ourself is incredible. I finally got this car and in my intensity, still working through demons, I tried to make a quick left and beat this car. A car hit the back of our car, the car flipped over. The woman that I couldn’t wait to marry is covered in glass. No seatbelt on. We’re covered in glass. I’m like, “I just killed her.” That was the first moment where I said, “What do I want my life to look like? Enough. It’s time to stop purging.”
One thing that I did was I said, and this may go against a lot of you in here, and I respect that, I said, “I’m not going backwards. I don’t need to go solve anything. What do I get to do starting today to make my life great?” That’s what I’m in control of. That’s where the personal constitution started to come to life because, fortunately, we were both okay, but it could have gone much worse.
Navigating The Ups And Downs Of Career
Of course, I married the woman of my dreams. I went on to open several more restaurants and another little piece of the constitution came up. Do what makes your life expand regardless of what you think you’re supposed to do. We had three restaurants and I looked at Nadia and I said, “Let’s go to Paris for a couple of months. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris.” She’s like, “We own three restaurants.” I’m like, “Exactly. We own them. If we’re not going to leave, we might as well work for somebody else.”
We rented an apartment, this great little apartment. Our daughter was one-year-old. To this day, I think I’m closer than ever to my daughter because of that. Every day walking with her, we’d go to the parks, we’d go up every street. We have the most amazing time. I said, “I have worked hard to train this crew. They can do this without me.”
Focus on the circle of control. Every time something happens that you cannot affect in any way, let it go no matter how terrible it is. Share on XMy parting words were, “If it burns down, sweep it up and leave me a note. Otherwise, just make sure money comes out of the ATM. I believe in you, guys.” They did so well that while we’re in Paris, a guy kept coming in. He wanted to buy some restaurants. I had some bottled chutneys I was selling in these three restaurants. He bought it all from us because he couldn’t believe that it ran like this without us there.
That launched our real estate career. We took that money, bought our first building in San Francisco, and the journey continued. From there, it’s been such a great ride, which I won’t worry you with all the details. We came down to LA. We started real estate, and of course, the classic real estate move was in San Francisco. We were like the mayors. We knew everybody, knew every corner, every street. We moved to a city where we knew nobody and knew nothing. Literally, back then, I was Thomas Guide. “How do I get from Encino to Beverly Hills to go to this interview for Coldwell Banker?” I had an amazing career.
It was about mindset from the beginning of real estate. Steve was a big part of this with me. We had two little kids. At Friday at 4:00, I’d leave a voicemail that said, “Thank you so much for calling. This is Jeffrey Saad. I look forward to getting back to you. I’ll be checking messages and returning calls on Sunday.” People were like, “You can’t do that. You’re a realtor.” I’m like, “Why not? That’s what I want to do. This is the life I want to live. These are my guardrails.” You’d be amazed at what a filter it was. I’d get messages like, “I thought you were a realtor. I can’t believe you.”
I’m like, “Okay, I’m not calling them back. That was easy. They were going to want discount commission anyway.” The other person would be like, “That’s so great. I forgot you had your family time. Call me Sunday.” I’m calling them back. When you create these filters for your life based on what matters and how you want to live your life, then all of a sudden, everything works itself out.
Focus On What You Can Control
Where has all of this stuff taken me? This is how I feel every day. This has been my life for decades now because of all these defining moments, because of the way I think. This was in Hawaii, actually. It was a really great moment. It was this huge cliff and everyone was going and then just jumping. I don’t know. I’m not feeling it. I just have to put one foot there and not pause. I launched into this back flip. It was so weird because this guy behind me, when he saw me spin around, he said, “This is weird.” He had a GoPro when he took the picture and then he gave it to me on the beach, which was so cool. This is how I want to feel every day. This is, to me, symbolic of what life should be.
I have an amazing family. I have an amazing life. If you asked me to change one thing, I wouldn’t change one thing in my life. It all happens the way it’s going to happen. We can spend our energy questioning it, fighting it, saying it’s unfair, feeling bad or we can say, “Bring it on,” and do this and feel like this. It makes life so much better. How have I maintained this? We all get to places. I’ve always said, “There’s no such thing. Flat line is dead.” That’s flatlining. You’re either going up or you’re going down.
Remember, going up doesn’t have to mean you’re doing more sales. Going up just means you’re loving your life. You’re in a better place as a human. How I’ve maintained that is The Circle. This is my show. It’s called The Circle with Jeffrey Saad, Spotify, and Apple plug. Check it out. What it really just means, and this is my dream, Steve, wherever you are, I want to create a little cult where everyone gets a circle tattoo.
You could be anywhere in the world, you’ll see a circle, you’d be like, “I’m with you. We do this.” It’s a stoic philosophy. Remember, I haven’t created anything. I’m nothing but a spongy puppet that absorbs this stuff and owns it and makes it my own. There’s nothing really new. This is a stoic philosophy thousands of years old. The circle of control very simply says, “Focus on what you can control.” Unfortunately, the way we’re wired, and it’s doesn’t make us bad, it’s just natural. We focus on all these things we can’t control.
If you focus on what’s inside your circle, guess what? Your circle keeps growing. Your life is more abundant. Your life is more full. If you focus outside the circle, it crushes your circle. It keeps applying pressure down and it makes your life tiny and sad. Here’s the funny part. How many of you think like, “I care. That’s why I’m paying attention to the news and the wars and everything that’s going on.” It’s because you care.
Most people think, “I care.” That’s why I’m focusing on it. Guess what? Your caring is not making it any better. Not only are you not helping anyone because you care, but you’re actually hurting the people you love because you’re showing up not as your best self. How many of you have ever lost a client or lost a deal and thought, “I’m a better agent? That didn’t make sense.” The truth is, it’s like my full head of hair. You think you were showing up as your best self. The deal fell apart, the client left because of you. You are tuning in to a frequency, whether you know it or not. That’s why the stuff during the day is important but who shows up is so much more important.
If there’s nothing else you leave with from my little moment is to focus on that circle of control. Make that your litmus test. Every time something happens, no matter how terrible, whatever it is, “Can I affect this?” If the answer’s no, let it go. If you care enough, go do something. You know that even with politics these days, when people are complaining, I just say, “It didn’t go the way I wanted it to, but that’s okay. It’s over. I believe in humanity. We’ll get through this. We’ll be great. It’s for you.”
What I say to people these days when they start complaining is, “What are you doing about it?” If you’re not doing anything about it, what’s the point? You’re just complaining. If you care enough, do something. Go start raising money. Go to the Middle East and try to make a difference if you want to put together something that they can help with, but really focus on how you can make your life better and keep your circle in control.
If you create a personal constitution, you will start to love your own story. It will be the life you want to live. Share on XThe first few times I had a few guests on the show, sometimes people get confused because it seems to feel so selfish. Just me. If it’s not helping me, I’m just going to let it go. Think about it. Can anybody think of an example of why you should focus on something you can’t affect? It’s not going to happen. You want to let those things go. That’s another top ten for me, for sure. Expect the best and react well to the worst. That’s what I’ve made a real habit out of. There’s nothing wrong with being the ultimate optimist. I love it. If the city’s burning down, I’m going to come out and say, “It’s nice and warm.” I’m going to find a way through.
Expect the best, react well to the worst. Expecting the best and being optimistic and loving in life doesn’t mean you’re naive or that you’re not going to be able to solve stuff, but isn’t it a better way to go into it? I always give the analogy of a rollercoaster. Let’s say they put two of you on a rollercoaster and they said, “Have a good ride, and by the way, there’s eight little dips on this. One of them has a brick wall. Have fun. Go.”
I’m going to be like this. “Woo,” over the first bump. “Woo,” over the second bump. I’m going to go woo until I hit the wall because I love my last thought to be, “Woo.” Somebody else is going to go, “Alright, there’s eight bumps. We did two. That means there’s six left.” If you divide that out, guess what? You’re still going to hit the wall. Unless you have a plan to get rid of the wall, just put your hands in the air and enjoy it because it’s a better ride.
Jeffrey’s Personal Constitution: Gratitude And Optimism
How do you have this life for yourself? This is called my personal constitution. I started this, Laurel Village, 1998. We sold the restaurants in ‘97. I started it casually with little cards and stuff, but back then, you remember Laurel Village, the Starbucks, that was the first one that was open at like 5:00 AM, maybe even earlier. I was like, “This is weird. I’m the only one here. I love it.” It became my little cocoon of inspiration, always starting my day with thinking, with reading, with being better. This personal constitution involved.
What is it? It’s really just very simple. Your belief system, your guardrails. Who are you going to show up as? Most of us start running straight into what we’re going to do from day one. We’ve been running and running. The fear is one day you’re going to wake up and you’re going to be the star of a movie that you hate. The problem is you’re the director and the writer; you’re doing lights and sound. You’re following your script perfectly. I want you to love that movie.
I think if you do this personal constitution, you will start to love that movie because it really will be the life you want to live. The theme of mine is gratitude and optimism are my lifeblood. Better every day for myself and those around me. Do the right thing. Bring joy. Come up with your headline. What is the headline for your life? What is the theme for who you want to be?
The next thing I get into, it’s three parts. It’s the theme and then it’s the being and then it’s the doing. For the being, I constantly work to be present and not serve the ego. You can really call these organized affirmations, but I take them to another level because they should be very personal and very clear to who you are. I expect the best and react well to the worst. We’ve talked about that. I make my own weather. I can choose to be in a good state of mind.
Here’s what I hope you’ll believe when you read this every day. It is going to be on our to-do list; it just comes as part of your being. I will be in a situation where I will wake up a little pissy or I’ll be with a client and I’m feeling like off, and literally, it’ll come to me, like there’s somebody sitting on my shoulder. I can choose to be in a good state of mind and it makes me in a better place. However, it only happens if you repeat it.
It’s like those seeds in the garden. Everything that you keep putting in your mind will continue. I make my own weather. I continue to be in a good state of mind. I do not sacrifice my true self for my self-image. That’s the thing. I always say, “How many of you right now can truly say you love your life? You love the way it’s playing out, and you’re proud of who you have and living your best life.” That’s good. There’s a good 15%, 20%. These are really amazing humans, the successful people. I’m glad for all those of you are honest because that’s the thing.
We try to be who we think we’re supposed to be, but we don’t ever stop to go, “Who am I, really,” because this is not about being better than you. You being better than me. This is about me being the best me. Comparison is the thief of joy. Who do you want to be? I have so much respect. There was an elevator repairman in San Francisco and I got it. We went into our building, our first apartment on Fillmore, and he was telling me how the elevator lines up. “Check this out.” I didn’t even like ask for this. I was just like, “Good afternoon,” but that’s all it took. “Check this out. Stopped exactly right.”
He was so proud. It meant the world to him. This was his craft. He wasn’t worried that somebody else is making more than him and that somebody else thought differently about him. He wants that elevator to be perfect. This should be about you and what you want your life to look like. I’m amassing a fortune and doing lots of good with it. Being financially wealthy is important to me, but I will never let it be my master or mastery.
True wealth starts by being happy with nothing. To me, that’s real wealth. That’s something Nadia has always done so well. When I had the first restaurant, I had a motorcycle and somebody said, “Do you guys cater?” I said, “Of course, we do.” I’m like, “How am I going to do this?” First of all, I’ve never thought about it. Second of all, I don’t even have a car. How are we going to deliver it?”
How you carry yourself is what defines who you are. Share on XI borrowed her car and delivered the food. What I love about my wife and I feel the same way is that we enjoy great things, but we don’t have to have them. It’s like when you buy that new pair of shoes. Why are you waiting to wear them? Wear them on Tuesday. You have that amazing bottle of wine. Crack it on Monday with burger. The bottle doesn’t care if it’s a big celebration. It’s a bottle of wine and you should enjoy it.
Don’t be of service through things. Let things service you and it becomes so much more valuable. I’m a husband and father first. I love and cherish my family. That is my guiding light. I always remember the quote, “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you say.” How many of you are parents? You guys all know this is parents. We can tell them all the things to do and how to be, let me tell you how it goes in life. They’re not going to hear most of what we say, but they learn everything from watching.
There’s that great little story. The guy goes to the movie theater with his son and says, “Two adult tickets, please.” The girl’s like, “You could have told me he was a child. I can’t tell the difference. You could have had the child price.” He said, “He would’ve known.” Who you are speaks the loudest. Remember, how do you carry yourself, that is what defines who you are. My body is healing every day. My immune system is stronger every day. You can update your personal constitution.
I had a knee replacement, I had a hip replacement and so I had moments of not being my full self-surfing martial arts. I put that in there. I would read it every morning. I’m healing every day. My immune system is stronger every day. This is a big one to me. I can die any day. My last thought will be, “Thank you,” with a smile. That’s how I’ve lived my life. No should’ves would’ve could’ves. I just did.
It doesn’t mean it always went well. It doesn’t mean it always was successful, but I did it and I can be peaceful because I’m not waiting for anything. I think this is a big one. How many of you can say, God forbid you die now, you’ll have regrets or wish or I would’ve, should’ve, could’ves? Either way, that’s a big one. I’m peaceful. That’s a really big one these days. Maintain that peaceful.