Jeffrey Saad concludes his discussion about unlocking your best self. In this final part, he explains how to recognize your self-worth without relying on external validation and achieving personal growth through the Kaizen approach. He talks about setting the right boundaries to avoid overwork and career burnout, giving you enough time to do the things you truly love. Jeffrey also breaks down practical tips on focusing on the present moment, taking care of your well-being, achieving financial freedom, and saying no.
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How To Unlock Your Best Self – Part 3
Doing The Necessary Work
Here’s the do. The doing is huge. I’m always grateful, but I will never forget that I’ve earned it. I’m so worth it and I will not let my need for validation define me. That was a big one. When I was on the food network, and that was one of those notions of what it could’ves. We were doing real estate. It was going great.
Thanks to Steve, we had hit our big record goal, and all of a sudden, I was like, “I want to be back in food.” A friend of ours was overeating for dinner. She’s like, “You should be on the Food Network.” I’m like, “Good idea.” The next day, Nadia went online and the next thing I know, I had an audition for a competition show and I was on the Food Network and it was just unbelievable.
What happened was I had all this success for that period of time, and I would go on these different interviews, talk shows and competition shows. I said to this one guy that was interviewing me. I threw the first pitch out for the Dodgers. I’m not a sports guy. People were like so excited. I’m like, “Is that a big deal? Who’s that guy with the ball?” They’re like, “What is wrong with you?”
I said to him, “I’m just so honored to be here.” After the interview, he said to me, “why do you seem like you don’t think you deserve this?” I will never forget him. I was so grateful for that. I think that was part of my childhood stuff, like I think that need for validation for my mother, whatever. That was a big one for me because you have to come to grips with these things and say, “No, I’ve earned it. I’m worth it.”
I’m impeccable with my word. Has anybody read The Four Agreements? Great book. This is just an adaptation out of that. I update this over the years. “I’m impeccable with my word. I don’t take things personally. I don’t make assumptions. I make it happen. I listen. I listen.” I say it twice because I need to listen. We all need to listen way more. “I do not judge others. I see your flaws, but I don’t see your struggles. I assume the best in all people in situations. I always do the right thing. I always do what I say I will do. I bring joy to the world one person at a time.”
For me, that is a big one, too, because, again, it makes everything so much simpler and calmer. I don’t need to stop wars and change the world. I’m voting every day and every minute just by hopefully making a difference. Giving more than I take, bringing joy. Everywhere I go, a circle just keeps seeming to be part of my life. Everywhere you go in a twenty-foot radius, you just bring joy. You’d be kind, you’d be good. It changes everything and everybody in the best ways.
“I am the change I expect in the world. I always laugh. Never take myself seriously. I take care of myself so that I can always take care of others. This means exercise is sufficiently eating properly, doing everything in moderation and always expanding my mind.” Any one of these might sound like, “I’ve heard it before,” or whatever, but when I ask you to make your personal constitution, this is going to become like you’re marinating yourself in this.
What you write has to be really you. You have to believe it and make it part of your daily life. “I’m a proud example for my children.” That’s a big one. When I go through life, these are my guardrails. This is my North Star. This is how I know when something comes up, should I be doing this or not? I was offered to go on the road for this thing. No, because then I’m not going to be there for my kids. Am I going to make this decision this weird investment that’s shady? No, because I want to be a proud example for my children.
I’m constantly learning something. How many of you have passions that you’re always learning, something you’re always up to? That is huge because when you’re learning, it just makes you better. Whenever I’m feeling a little bit blah, if I just open a book or study my French, I instantly feel better. It’s like, somehow, when the brain is taking in new stuff, you feel better.
Work Within A Certain Amount Of Time
Here we go, guys. Real time. “I know work will fill the space given so I will only give it the amount of time that allows me to enjoy life, pursue my passions, and give more than I take,” I said we’re not the number one producers in the room by far but I will tell you, we work fifteen hours a week on average. I schedule all the good stuff first and then whatever’s left over, I work. I’ve done this for ages. In the early days of the restaurants, yeah, I worked 80 hours a week at the first one, 90 hours a week with the second one, 120 hours a week to the third one. I finally figured out this delegation thing because you can’t do that.
Other than those initial restaurants, I really believe that because what happens when you choose to only give work a certain amount of time, you have two choices. You either get better so that you can still make a great living or you go back to working too much because you’re not willing to be better. The only way to make enough is to do more and more.
When you choose to give work less time, you have to get better. That’s where I get pumped. Nadia and I are not trying to set records and be the number one realtor. I’m trying to be the number one for each client, better for each client, better for each person in my life. Better is my theme, not more. Ironically, with better, you end up doing more, which is pretty awesome. That’s a big one.
How many of you truly work 40 hours or less, take plenty of days off each week? You deserve better than that. Maybe you don’t because the key to a personal constitution is? It’s what you want. There are plenty of people whose constitution would be really easy. It’d be a flashcard. “Make as much fricking money as possible and don’t do anything else, but make money more of it. Get out of my way.” If that’s truly who you are, awesome, as long as you don’t hurt anybody or do anything bad. That’s the beauty of this.
Never judge your children’s dreams. Be an inspiration for them and provide support to what they want to be, not what you want them to be. Share on XEstablishing The Pillars Of Your Life
It’s your choice. It’s your constitution. What are the guardrails you want to have for your life? Think about that. No should haves or could haves. We just did. We talked about that. On the bottom of it, I put the pillars because there are all these different things. To me, that kind of grouped it together. Family, “Never judge my children, always be the inspiration and be there for what their dreams are meant to be, not what I want them to be.”
My wife, the woman of my dreams, always feels like the most special woman in the world. I love her for exactly who she is, not who I want her to be. I’m telling you right now, that is a key one because when you start making lists of all the things you love about each other, you spiral up and magically, the other stuff just fades.
If you’re going to make a list of all the things they’re not doing, of all the things they should be doing to be up to your standards, to live like you want to live, that’s not who you fell in love with. I didn’t walk down the street and go, “I need a girl that knows how to do dishes.” That was not important. I fell in love with her for who she was. That’s what I need to cherish and maintain. Think about that.
Physical. I always said, “I will be fit.” I’ve been a martial artist my whole life, snowboarder, and I remember being younger and it was like, “What is this thing that happens? You turn 40 and your belly just goes like this or something.” People have babies and they start dressing poorly. Nadia, she’s pregnant, Prada with a bump. Prada with a bigger bump. Prada with a snip on the top of the pants so the bump could still grow. She looked like the hottest woman in San Francisco until the day she gave birth.
You can choose that. I think that’s important because I think if you are physically fit, it’s not to look good, even though that’s fine, but it litmus tests you taking care of yourself. Steve, we love you. Nothing’s worse than having some tragic event happen. You’re like, “This could have been it.” What a shame. All we’re building, all we’re doing to end up then having something go wrong. Mental. For me, the mental summary those aren’t up here, but my mental summary notes are spiritual. No, should haves, would’ves, could haves.
Kaizen. How many of you know about Kaizen? We’ve talked about a lot in the past. Being 1% better every day. That’s it. Go for one in a row. The greatest Kaizen book I ever read said, “Do you want to lose weight? Start by eating your chocolate cake on the treadmill. The next day, set it down. We’re heading somewhere. The next day, turn it on and take a few steps.” Go like that because it’s insurmountable to try to conquer the world overnight. One percent better every day.
Financial. Freedom. Every choice we make financially, “Will this lead to more freedom?” That’s my constitution. Somebody else’s constitution might be like, “Jet.” That’s great too if that’s your constitution. Ferrari, awesome, but be clear. Just don’t lie to yourself because you need to define these things and how they’re going to run your life.
Every book ever written on inspiration or being a better human being is about being in the now. Share on XSpiritual, again, that’s the circle. Kaizen, again, manifesting, which Steve and I laugh about. The other chapter I have is amore fati. I don’t actually believe in fate per se, but it means the love of fate. What I love about what Ryan Holiday described amore fati in the Daily Stoic is it’s not just believing that everything happens for a reason, but actually loving it.
The worst thing that could happen to you, say, “This is awesome.” It’s not just Pollyanna, “This is great,” but really, if you start to train your mind to say, “No, bring it on. Whatever happens, I got this. It’s meant to be in something great that’s going to come from it.” We’ve all heard the stories. After five years, most lottery winners are worse off, divorced than they were before they got the money. Most cancer survivors say, “It’s the best thing that ever happened to them.” You never know what’s going to happen and what to expect.
Action Steps To Take To Unlock Your Best Self
The last part, we’ll wrap it up, is action steps. The doing. The first thing I’d recommend is you make your personal constitution and read it daily. Second, create your morning routine. This is huge. Every morning, it literally takes me an hour and a half. I get up, do my cold plunge, do my meditation, do my gratitude log, something you’re thankful for. It sounds like, “Eh,” but it works If you really keep doing it.
It’s not getting what you want. It’s wanting what you have. Love Nadia. Sorry guys. Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but it’s just true. Every morning, I write down one thing I love about my wife because that keeps me in a place of adoring her versus, “This isn’t happening.” No more news. I swear to God, it would change all of your lives, those of you who watch the news. I never have. I love not knowing what’s going on because it’s expiring information.
This is a really good one, and I really want you to be honest if you have an answer. Who has ever had their life be better or something great could happen because you knew the news? I’ve never met a person who can say it. It’s weird to me. People say there’s not enough time in a day. There’s too much time. There is so much time. I am never short on time, but I choose how to use my time, so no more news. No more notifications. I don’t have one on my phone. You shouldn’t either.
Steve’s had a great thing. There’s always time to do the one thing that really needs to be done. You don’t need to be notified. You will do what needs to get done. Get better. Reduction. This has been a huge theme for me. It’s always been my nature, but if you’re telling me it takes 10 steps, I’m going to make it 3 because, most times, it doesn’t need to be 10. Get better. The same thing we were talking about with business. Just raising your standards is a reduction.
If you raise the standards on who you’re willing to work with, you’re automatically going to close that deal faster, take better clients. We list one, we sell one. We get a buyer, we close a buyer. We don’t lose listings. We don’t lose buyers. Very rarely. It’s not about, “I have 20 listings and I sold 9 of them,” or, “I have 20 and I sold 17, but I almost killed myself doing it because these people are such a nightmare.”
Be proud of who you are and who is showing up in your life. If you do that and stay in the circle of control, your life will just keep getting better. Share on XThe answer is not more. It’s a reduction. How do you keep everything in your life, personal, business, how do you compact it? How do you make it more powerful, more effective, instead of just doing more? Go for one in a row. We already talked about that. Say no to distractions. Spends your yeses if they were dollars. Don’t get overdrawn.
Every time you say yes, you’re spending. No is the most powerful word there is. How do you know what to say yes to? You got your personal constitution now. It’s going to guide your life. You’re going to stop and say, “Is this in alignment with what I’m trying to be and accomplish and do?” If it’s not, you’re going to say no. Be clear about the criteria of who you’ll work with. We talked about that. The circle of control is key. I hope that all of you can work on that.
Be in the now. Steve and I are joking we’re doing this book together and I’m so excited about. We’re like, we have hours and hours of brainstorming and recording and conversations and we’re both like, “It’s going to be a one-page book.” Open it up, be present, done. The end. The truth is, when you think about it, every book written ever on inspiration or being a better human or being a better anything is about being in the now. There is no problem right now who has a problem right now. Shut up and finish. That’s my problem. No, but really, the only time anxiety and depression would not exist if we were in the now.
All it is is the gap between where you are and where you’re trying to be, whether it’s backward or forwards. You’ll strain your neck looking backwards and you’ll trip over the sidewalk looking forward. Being here. Really try. I assume everyone’s read The Power of Now by now. It’s the greatest book ever. It really is. Try to be in the now, it’ll change your whole world.
Don’t be an injustice collector. That’s one of my favorites. It is so easy to go around. “He didn’t do this, she cut me off. That doesn’t make sense.” It is exhausting. I’ve been guilty of it. We’re all guilty of it. Check yourself. Try to go one whole day catching yourself without making an opinion, a judgment, an accusation about anything. You’ll be amazed how challenging that can be. Don’t be an injustice collector.
Create your personal board of directors. Who do you spend the most time with? These meetings are great. I love Neil. I want to spend more time with Neil. The people you bring in your life make you better. That old saying of the sum of the seven people you spend the most time with. I always think of it as like a personal board of directors. Who do you surround yourself with? I got an issue with this. Who do I call? We need to do more of that. I’ll take your calls, emails, texts, anytime. We need to do more of that. Be there for each other because the circle of people you create will change your life. Yes is the answer. What’s the question?
Steve always loves this. We were driving down the desert together many years ago. That was my philosophy. It doesn’t go along with yeses meaning yes to projects saying yes to everything, but it’s a mindset. If yes is the answer, where does that put you with your clients and people? In your mind, you’re like, “Yes.” Think about that. Not, “Why is this going to be hard? What’s the problem?” Yes, is the answer. What’s the question?
Expect the best wreck. The worst, we talked about that. That’s what’s in your control. Look forward to challenges. The negative. The negative end of a battery is needed to make the charge. We can’t get rid of negativity. Embrace it, love it, and find the path in it. This is right from Sally Forester Jones, who was a early mentor of mine who I love. I always said it in a very long way. She said it in a very fast way. Caught quickly.
I love that. What I always said was, “You can only be frustrated or annoyed with something for the amount of time that the event happened.” If somebody cuts you off in traffic, that’s four seconds. You got four seconds to whine and complain about it, and you’re done. Do not just carry it on. Clot quickly. Move on. Focus on what you get, not what you lose. That is the big one.
I want to leave you with, I love you. I love this group. I love this culture. Do your personal constitution. Read it every morning. Be proud of who you are and who is showing up in your life. If you do that and you stay in a circle of control, your life will just keep getting better. You will just be doing backflips all day, every day. I appreciate you. Thank you for reading.