“The moment you give control of your emotions to somebody else, you’re a slave of everybody else.” In this episode, Santiago Arana, a top-producing realtor and real estate developer, shares his inspiring journey from Bolivia to the United States. Santiago opens up about overcoming challenges, building a successful career in real estate, and the importance of maintaining control over your emotions and focusing on what you can control. He also discusses his passion for personal growth and spirituality, emphasizing the power of manifestation and the importance of surrendering to the journey. With his unique blend of business acumen and spiritual wisdom, Santiago offers valuable insights for anyone seeking to achieve success and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives.
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Santiago Arana, #6 Realtor In The US And A One Of A Kind Human
Santiago, I want to see you on this podcast, first and foremost, just because I really like you. You’re one of those guys, and you’re probably like this with a lot of people, but I don’t really see you that often. We don’t really spend that much time together, total hours, maybe a dozen hours, but yet I feel so close to you. I feel like I just am comfortable when I’m with you. There’s some people you spend a ton of time with and you’re like, there’s no real connection, but with you, there’s just something there.
This was perfect. You’re walking, you’re looking like you look, this is epic, but immediately, you’ve got something unique. You start telling me about biometric mapping. By the way, he also happens to be number six in the United States of America. I’m a realtor, which I don’t really want to talk about, because he is a realtor of another level, and your story is amazing. Instead of me regurgitating it all, Santiago Arana, you came from Bolivia at 23 years old. Tell that story, because that really just lights it up right there.
A Journey From Bolivia To The US
First, thank you for having me here. Thank you for saying all these nice things. I feel the same way. I think we have so much in common, and I think that happens with people. I believe in energy, and I think that you either connect with somebody and it’s that, like you said, like you feel like you know that person more than you really do, but you actually do, and not so much with other people. So I feel the same way back at you. I love being here. I’ve been wanting to do this, and I was excited. It was my highlight of the week.
I can’t wait to make you lunch. We’ve got some great Chinese ribs, stir-fried, a little frisée salad with lardons and potatoes. It’s going to be good. Tell that story, so you get here at 23 from Bolivia, speaking no English.
I told the story so many times, I hope some of the listeners are not like, “The same story.”
Feel free to give another version if you prefer.
It’s okay. I’m 22. I graduated in Bolivia from a private university for business administration and marketing. The situation is very hectic in Bolivia, it’s been since I was born. I go through different regimens of dictatorship and democracy, and it’s crazy. At that point, you can Google it, in 2022, what happened with the president. I was working, I got out of college, and I immediately went to work for the National Institute of Statistics, which, it was like, I don’t even know what I’m doing there.
I’m sitting there, I’m 22, and I’m like, I don’t know what to do. I’m not happy, I’m not fulfilled. I know that it’s not for me, but I’m thinking, “This is what people do when they get out of school, you go and work and figure it out.” One day, I hear these bombs and shooting and all this crazy stuff, and I’m like, “What is this?” I walk out, and I’m like two blocks from where the government works, and they’re killing each other.
I don’t have hard days here in the States. We are so spoiled.
There’s worse than that, think about Ukraine, think about Georgia, think about so many places. Anyway, we’ll keep it light. I walked out, and I’m like, “What’s going on?” and the news is like, “The police force went to try to kill the president.” They basically, like a coup situation, and they went in there, and obviously, the army’s first job is to defend the president. The army came, and they shot each other, and they killed over 100 people that day. I called my dad. I’m like, “Maybe it’s a good idea that I go study a master’s degree, let things settle here, and then I’ll come back with one more thing in my résumé. I don’t like my job, really.” He’s like, “I think it’s a good idea.”
I remember meeting him one time, and we did this screwball thing together. Didn’t you have, like, a chain of martial arts studios or something?
No, he opened the first martial arts studios in Bolivia. He got them going, but then he became a politician and he stopped that. Good memory, he still is the only third-degree black belt in Kyokushin in Bolivia because they don’t take that test anymore, so it’s like the highest level that you can get. He keeps getting awards, and when the Japanese come to Bolivia, they call him, and he goes. He was a very steady, nerdy guy, so when he was in school, he studied a lot. He was very smart, and he has like five master’s degrees, like four PhDs, and he was an engineer. He went to Israel on a scholarship, and I know people think like, “You’re Jewish?” I don’t know. I don’t think so. I was raised Catholic, but you start uncovering where you come from or whatever, and who knows? But I’m not.
He won a scholarship to do a master’s degree in Israel, something with engineering and ducts or some planning stuff. When he went there, I think he lived in a kibbutz, and he came up with some valve or something that was a great tool for them. They were very grateful, and they were like, “Do you have kids?” He said, “I have a one-year-old son.” They said, “When he’s old enough, we’d like to invite him and pay for his studies and everything, like a scholarship.” He got stuck in his head. They didn’t give him a paper, they didn’t give him anything.
Fast forward 21 years, I’m 22, and he goes, “We should go to the Israel embassy. They told me this.” In my mind, I’m like, “They’re going to remember?” Sure enough, we go there. He gives his name, his ID, they make us sit for half an hour, and then they come out, they’re like, “Mr. Arana, we’re going to go in the conference room. We’d like to offer these other things.” There were 1 or 2, mostly engineering, but they had one on a master’s degree in finance. They offered to pay for the whole thing for me, everything, housing, food, scholarship, everything. I was like, “I think that’s a freaking great opportunity.”
They’re like, “Are you going to take it in Hebrew or in English?” I went, “I don’t speak a word of any of those. Zero.” When I say zero, like I couldn’t go and buy a beer in English, certainly not in Hebrew. They looked at me, and they saw that I don’t speak any of them. They’re like, “If you go and learn one of the two and you come back next year, we’ll give it to you. So just go and learn one of the two.”
I go, “Hebrew, I’m not going to use as much in Bolivia. There’s not that community where you can make a living or whatever because of that. I said, English, obviously, is the language that everybody wants to learn. I didn’t pay attention in school, and that’s why I don’t speak it, and I wish I did. That’s what I decided to do. I go, “If I’m going to learn English, I need to learn by immersion. If I go to classes, I’m going to come out, be with my friends, with my girlfriend, speak Spanish, this is not going to work.”
I go to my mom, and I remember she had a cousin that she once, twice a month, would talk with. I knew she was in America and all this. I said, “Don’t you have a cousin in the United States?” She’s like, “Yeah, of course, my cousin Anna.” I go, “Do you think she will be okay if I go?” Because at that point, my parents didn’t have money. I had, I think, $120. I was like, trying to find, “How can I do this?” She calls her, and she’s like, “Yeah, sure. He can come and crash on my couch for eight months. I’ll give him breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and a sofa for eight months.”
Isn’t it amazing the kindness of a person can change a life? A couch and meals.
That’s it. Which is, by the way, a lot, a lot of people take for granted that. Anyway, I came. You could have told me you’re going to, not to put down any of the states or anything, somewhere in the middle of the United States, pick one, or you’re going to Santa Barbara, California. For me, I didn’t know. She’s like, “Because you don’t speak English, I’m going to write a letter. When you get to the airport in Miami, because you have a stop there, and you get to these guys, the immigration, they’re tough. When they know you don’t speak the language, although they must speak Spanish, they talk to you in English, and they give you a hard time. When you get there and they start asking you questions, show them the letter.”
She wrote a short letter that was basically, “My nephew’s coming to visit. I’m going to be responsible for him. He’s coming, staying here, and here’s my address.” I remember these big guys looking at it, and he’s like, “Santa Barbara, nice,” and he lets me in. I’m like, “Why did he say that?” I arrived at LAX at 2:00 in the morning. I remember it was dark, I was tired, we drove to Santa Barbara, pitch black, so I don’t know what I’m looking at. I went to bed. I wake up the next day on the sofa, and I look to the left, just as far as this window, and I see the ocean there. I literally got up, and I ran to the ocean, and I was like, so happy and so grateful.
How ironic, that’s where you’re plunging stuff.
Exactly. I love that. I came here, lived there for eight months, I ran out of $120. I go to her, and I’m like, “I want to go out tonight and look around. Can you give me some money for beers?” She’s like, “Money for beers? Go get a job.” She was very tough, but I’m grateful that she was like that.
I love that.
I grew up in a different place. Back in the day when I was there, a lot of my friends, they got to live with their parents until they got married. Even if you have a job, you’re living with your parents, you’re saving money. You’re with your parents, which is nice that you get to enjoy your parents longer. I know there’s mixed feelings on that, but that’s how it works for the most part, right?
Yeah, most of the world, for sure.
You have a housekeeper, all these things. I’m in my aunt’s house. She’s like, “Tomorrow you need to clean the toilets, you got to take the trash out, you need to do all these things that I never did in my life.” It’s like a crash course, tough hand to Americanize me.
It’s ironic though, if I’m misstating, let me know, but you grew up with not a ton of money, yet you had all those luxuries, because that was a normal part of the culture.
Exactly. It’s different. It’s different over there, or it was different, I should say. It’s been 23 or 24 years. I’m like, “When am I going to work?” She’s like, “You don’t speak English, there’s not much you can do.” She’s like, “I would suggest you go and clean tables, be a bus woman.” I was like, “I don’t want to do that.” She’s like, “This is the other option. Get in the car.” She drove me outside Home Depot, a place in Santa Barbara called The Wall. We have mostly illegal people waiting for someone to call them, “Come paint my house, come do this.” It’s like, “You want to sit here and wait all day to get a job, then you can do that.” I was like, “Let’s go back to the restaurant.”
She’s good. Is she still around at all?
Yeah, of course. She was here visiting a month ago. She lives in San Francisco. She takes me to Montecito, which is even more beautiful. She says, “Go into this restaurant, ask for an application.” Application, they gave me a paper, and then I came back to the car, and she’s like, “I’ll help you fill them out.” I fill all these things. I go to one of the restaurants and a guy comes out. I hear he has an accent, and he comes and starts talking to me in English. I’m looking at him, and he’s like, in Spanish, that we call Portuñol. It’s like Spanish and Portuguese, which I understood. I spoke because Brazil and Bolivia are very close to each other. I lost a lot of Brazilian influence, and I picked up Portuguese.
I see it, and he’s like, “You don’t speak English, right?” I’m like, “I don’t.” He’s like, he’s asking me questions, super nice guy. He says, “You think you can clean tables and move stuff, and you have experience carrying trays and everything?” I’m like, “Yeah, of course,” in Spanish. He’s like, “You need two pairs of black pants, two pairs of blue shirts, this and this. Go and buy it, you can start tonight.” I’m like, “Done.”
My aunt takes me, buys me all the stuff at Ross. I come back, and I start. I couldn’t hold a tray. The other busboys are looking at me, they’re pissed because they’re doing most of the work, and I’m like just there. The manager liked me, so I needed to catch up. I started learning and doing all these things. I was doing that in the daytime, and at night, I was going to ESL, English as a second language school, for free across the street from an In-N-Out. That’s how I got introduced to In-N-Out. I was going with a lot of adult immigrants that didn’t have money, and I was going and learning English that way. The other thing my aunt said is, “In two weeks, I’m going to stop speaking Spanish with you, and you only can talk to your parents and your family once a week.” She’s great. She’s awesome. I’m like, “Your house, your rules.” That got me to learn fast. I was able to communicate in three months.
Most of us will never know.
It was exhausting.
To have no choice, to have everything be something you don’t understand is unbelievable.
It was exhausting because the energy that you spend in your brain learning and not speaking, and all of a sudden, you’re making an effort to understand because she’s speaking to me in English only. I’m going to the school, and I’m working. It was a lot. I used to come back on the bus so tired that a few times I passed my stop. I went all the way to Carpinteria and woke up, and I’m like, “I need to take another bus to go another hour.” That happened to me because I was exhausted. I learned, and I went to the manager. His name is Andre. What’s beautiful about life is that he worked for the agency. He quit the restaurant, got his license because he got inspired that I learned the language. I worked there. He made me a waiter. I came to him. I’m like, “Can you make me a waiter? I want to make a little bit more money, and I can communicate with people. I can sell stuff.” He did. He gave me that opportunity.
How beautiful. That’s the universe. You’re the master of that.
I met my wife. I moved to LA. She was living in LA, and I came to LA, and I worked in restaurants here. I got into real estate, and I started doing good in real estate. I dropped the restaurant after four and a half years, which is the amount of time that it took me to start doing good in real estate. I kept communicating with him. I used to go to the restaurant, and he saw that I was doing really good, and he got inspired, and he said, “I think I want to get my real estate license.” I’m like, “Go for it.” I never thought that he was actually going to move to LA and want to work for me.
How long did that happen?
That happened within a year, and then he’s like, “Would you hire me?” I’m like, “Of course, you gave me my first job here. Why wouldn’t I? I love you.” He came, and he works for the agency.
That’s so cool.
That’s the whole thing.
Maser Of The Circle Of Control
The other reason I wanted to have you on the podcast is because it’s called The Circle of Control. It’s the tattoo I’ve got. It’s the stoic philosophy. It’s nothing new, or that I created to say the least, but I’ve embraced it and owned it. I think you are the ultimate example of it because the circle of control is if you focus on what you can control, your circle grows, your life gets greater and greater. When people focus on stuff that’s outside their circle, all the things they can’t affect, it’s just this debilitating anxiety and weight that’s so unnecessary.
For you to accomplish what you’ve had to accomplish, whether you identified it that way or not, you’re like the master of the circle of control because there’s no way you could achieve all that if you were focused on all these other things you couldn’t control. Talk about that. You’re such a guy about energy. Feel free to blend that in, but how is that? What’s your translation of the circle of control and how it’s allowed you to thrive and grow and maybe some of the obstacles you’ve come over with that?
I would start by saying, thanks for calling me the master of the circle of control, but I don’t think anyone masters that. I don’t think anything in life, you get to a point where you master it and you never fail.
Stop right there. That is something everybody needs to hear because that’s why you are who you are. Because in your mind, you’re never stopping, and when people think all of a sudden they got it is when they start dropping.
I think this is a Tony Robbins thing. One of the human needs that we have as humans is the need for certainty. Everybody feels like, “Once I achieve this, I’m done,” because I want that certainty. I don’t want to have uncertainty, which is a second human need. You can’t have only certainty. You need some uncertainty. You need some adventure or not knowing, or “What’s the universe going to bring to me?” or “Who am I going to meet?” or whatever. Once you learn that, it’s like you can be a master because you’ll make mistakes, and if you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean that you’re now bad at it. It’s like, just get back on it, like get back on the horse. You learn this stuff, and it goes a little deeper than that. I stopped watching the news when my son was born, my first son, which is seventeen.
I’m telling you, it’s my biggest thing. I wish everybody would do that.
It’s been seventeen years that I haven’t watched the news.
Same here.
I see stuff. I read stuff that I want to know about it, but I’m not inundated with the news.
I do too. You should take in what expands you. There are things to read and learn that expand you, make you better, make you smarter, but if it’s otherwise, it’s expiring information.
It started for me where it was so negative. For people that wake up in the morning, get their coffee, and there is a TV on with all these like, “There’s this killing, this rape, blah, blah.” How can you live like that? For me, it was that. The negativity that the news had, I was like, “They focus too much on the negativity. Why don’t they talk about the good stuff that’s happening in the world?” Because that’s what sells. People have this chemical reaction with bad stuff, adrenaline, and you become addicted to it.
It started with that. I can say it’s evolved to like, “I don’t believe what they’re telling me.” I don’t even know if what they’re telling me is what they want me to believe. I’m going to do my own research. I’m not going to turn on the TV because I’ve seen it, and there is proof that it’s manipulated. I don’t want to buy into something that is not even real. I do my own research. I have my sources where I get my news and the things that I want to know, and that’s how I live. Doesn’t mean that everybody should do it, but we’re talking about this control because I can control what comes in my head.
You’re making a choice. What source I get it from and feel thoughtful about it.
Exactly. That evolved into like, there’s nothing you can do about an economy meltdown, a crisis, a war. Nothing you can do substantially to change it as an individual, but there is stuff that you can do in your personal life to change and contribute. Maybe send some money to the war in Ukraine. Maybe do this or do that. That you can control. Also, with your personal life, what are the things you can control?
There's nothing you can do about an economic meltdown, crises, or war. There is nothing you can do substantially to change it as an individual but there is stuff that you can do in your personal life to change and contribute. Share on XI can wake up every morning and make a choice, not watch the news, meditate, go to the gym, jump in the cold plunge, eat healthy, go door-knocking, work. Those are all my choices that I control. I should just focus on the things that I can control because if I’m going to sit there and get depressed by wanting to change the world or what’s happening out there. How about the economies and the president? “They got elected, not who I wanted!” and all these things. What’s going to happen? Nothing.
I want to go one layer deeper. The only thing you have control over is the way you feel. Nothing that happens out, and I know this is a very easy thing to say and very difficult to actually do until you get used to it and you start learning and you habituate yourself. You don’t become a master, but you learn how to habituate your life. When your brain’s going in this direction, you catch it. First, you’re aware. Awareness is the first step. Once you’re aware, I’m having this thought, I’m going to stop for a second, think what it means, and I’m going to change it to another thought.
On Dealing With Storytelling
You can control your emotions. Your emotions and the way you feel. Because you were driving on the street, and you got somebody to honk and flip you the bird on the corner, you can get upset about it. You can get all angry and answer back and put more fire into that and go in that direction, or you can just put on some music and laugh and say, “Poor guy, he’s having a hard time,” and laugh and make fun out of it. The moment that you give control of your emotions to somebody else, you’re a slave to everybody else.
I love that. The two things I just picked up that I’m going to keep, that I love you said, are first of all, be a thought catcher. Most people think once the thought starts, it’s not in their control, but it is. Your brain will go wild if you let it, but you need to be that thought catcher. I love the way you said that. Also, don’t let them take control of your emotions. That’s the irony. People think, “I’m standing up for myself, or I’m not letting this go,” but they’re actually owning you when they get the reaction, and it hurts you and everyone around you.
You give away your power. You’re giving it to everybody.
I love that. How do you deal with storytelling? I think most people, I find it comical, because there actually is nothing but this right now, this moment. To me, anything that somebody’s telling a story about in the future or the past really just has no value, in my opinion, because it’s just a story. You don’t know what’s going to happen, even with this election stuff. Whoever didn’t want it, didn’t want it. Let’s let it play out. Why do we need to create the end of the world before it’s happened? What is your take on that storytelling?
The only storytelling I like is the storytelling about, in my business, what’s the story that you’re going to build in this house, you and your family. Because we are, as salespeople, storytellers. You can open a door and show how many bedrooms there are and be a robot.
By the way, don’t you love that when an agent does that? “Here’s the bedroom, here’s the kitchen.” Thank goodness. I thought that was the garage.
If you walk in a house and you have knowledge of who’s coming and you know that it’s a single person, a family, or this, and you prepare yourself better, then you can tell this person a story of their lives, how they’re going to be if they are in this house. I apply that into my business, telling a story of what the neighborhood’s about, what they’re going to do, and how they’re going to feel. Kind of like a mention of what could happen here. It’s a story. People like stories. People relate through stories a lot more than facts.
Even in a listing presentation, I always say it’s better than a springboard.
Same, and your personal life.
I never bring numbers. I never bring that stuff because it doesn’t resonate. You’re right.
That can back up the information, but that’s all. When it comes to future storytelling or the past, the memories of the past, it doesn’t exist other than in a form of memories that activate certain emotions. So your son was born, and you remember that moment, the first time you hold him and he stops crying. Every time I want to open up my heart, I think of moments like that because it opens up your heart.
The past doesn't exist other than in a form of memories that activates certain emotions. Share on XI love that too. That’s interesting. I’m sure that’s what actors do so well, finding those portals through. To me, the best way to use the past is to create portals to new great things.
Your brain doesn’t know whether you’re there or not. You use the past and the positive things that happened in the past for you to activate good emotions and get in that state. Once you get in that state and your heart’s open, you can focus on what you’re doing and what you want.
That’s brilliant. I love that. What are you most proud of overcoming, and what are you most excited to conquer? By the way, I asked that because I’ve never seen you and not been re-inspired. That’s weird. I love that because every time I see you, I can count on something new, something that you’re after. First, it was Tony Robbins, then it was Joe Dispenza, and you end up meeting all these people. We should talk about that too. If you could think of something, what would it be?
Control Is Ever-Evolving
Obviously, when you talk about what your proudest moment is, people relate to what I achieved, what I achieved in life. I could tell you, “I’m an American dream. I came here with nothing and this and that.” I’m proud of that. That’s beautiful. I think there are deeper things that I worked on myself. I was, in certain ways, sometimes, I grew up with certain beliefs. I was programmed through society, through schools, through families. You get programmed into, “This is what you do. Money doesn’t grow on trees. You need to be doing this, or first, before you get married, you should do this, this, and this. You should do that.” All these become your beliefs because they get put into you.
For me, one of the biggest, I think, personal achievements that I’m proud of, and I’m not, again, a master on it, is to learn and be aware that a lot of stuff that ran in my brain, it wasn’t real, and it wasn’t even mine. I wanted to create my own beliefs, and obviously, Tony Robbins helps you do that. I just came back. I was with my sons. I remember I went to Tony Robbins the first time here in LA, in downtown, twelve years ago. I was so inspired by this man and so excited about it. I remember my sons were like 5 and 3. I was like, “Please let this man continue to be doing these events until my kids are old enough,” because I really would love them to experience this, at an earlier age than me. Because when I went, I was like, “How did I not know this ten years sooner?” To learn this stuff.
I wanted to give that to my children as a gift, and I did. Like you said, I met people, and I ended up being a guest of Tony. He invited us to the first row. I took my sons in there, and it was beautiful. We were there two weeks ago. I’ve seen them walking on fire, overcoming that fear and knowing that they have the power to get in state and achieve stuff that they didn’t think they could do, walk on fire and stuff like that. It was amazing. I learned through all these things that there was a lot of stuff in my brain that was garbage, and it wasn’t even my garbage.
What are some of those? Because I bet people will resonate with that.
There’s a lot of stuff that was like, to be rich is difficult, you need to come from money to make money, you need to work in your dad’s factory, or whatever it is. In the society where I was, the people that had a lot of money were people where the grandfather owned the factory of toilet papers, and the son went to work for him. My friend went, graduated, and just got a job, and he’s the next to run it. That was something that was ingrained in me, but I worked on it, and I changed it. When I changed it, you take action, and I took action. What was the action for me? Go door-knocking. It’s like, “I’m going to make it happen because I don’t have that, but I’m going to create it,” because there are people that have done that. I got inspired by the people that did it and created something out of nothing, and I wanted to do that.
You get rid of that garbage. You can go deeper than that, and you can go to a more spiritual level. You either carry stuff from your parents, from your school, from your society, from your culture, but you also can carry stuff from other lives. Your spirit is carrying stuff that you have, and beliefs from back then, and you come to this life to work on that so you don’t have to come back again and reincarnate and have to work on the same.
That’s a beautiful thing because, at the end of the day, we are all energy. We just are, and I feel like you’re one of those, I work on this too, you get to choose what frequency you tune into because it’s just energy, right?
Right.
That’s amazing. What is something that you want to do, that’s still out there, that you’re like, “God, I got to get this fixed or under control,” or if you’re comfortable talking about it?
I think that, for me, as a father, and I don’t know how many, I’m sure a lot of people share this, but for me, as a father, I have this control issue. You want them to do this, and you should eat this, and you should do that, because you’re trying, in the kindness of your heart, to tell them what to do so they don’t suffer, so they don’t go through that, so they don’t do this. You’re just trying to fix their lives before they even start it, and it doesn’t work that way. It’s very difficult to allow them to be who they need to be because you want to guide them, and in the effort of wanting to guide them, you want to control them. That’s one of the things. The same happens with your significant other, and it just carries through all that.
My big statement always is, love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Your wife in Miami, you didn’t fall in love with her because she was going to comply with who you wanted her to be. You fell in love with her because she was exactly who she was.
That’s the other thing, if people will let their significant other be themselves and love them for who they are, and don’t try to change them, then you’re good. If you get into a relationship being like, “It’s all good now. There’s that little thing that bothers me about this person, but in two years, I’ll fix it,” good luck. The problem is that you might be able to influence this person to do that, but then that person doesn’t have the integrity of their soul. They start compromising who they are to make you happy.
Guess what’s going to happen? They’re going to become something that they’re not supposed to be, and that is going to end up screwing with you. It’s not going to work because you tried to change their nature. If you allow them to, there’s got to be a certain level of like, “I don’t like that,” but that’s against everything else that is good, it’s fine. It’s got to be both ways. The control thing, for me, has been a lot of work. It’s ever-evolving.
Is there a few things you figured out that helped? Like you said, being a thought catcher when you’re in control, is there something that works for you that’s like, “This is a reminder that I got to this?”
For me, I always connect with things. It was just like delegating at work. A lot of people have a very hard time doing that. “I need to do everything. If I don’t do it, it’s not going to be done right. I need to send the email.” You can’t do everything, so it gets to a point where you need to trust in hiring an assistant that’s going to do these tasks. They might make a mistake. They might not do it the way you like it, but you can teach them to do it the way you like it, and it gets to a point where you just rely on them.
There’s going to be a margin of error, and you should be okay with that. When you learn how to trust others with your job, that’s what I started to apply to my personal life. I need to trust my son that he’s going to drive okay. I need to trust that he’s going to make good choices, and he’s going to make some bad choices, but that’s part of life.
I always say, whether it’s the son, the daughter, or the person at work, “A seven that they do themselves is better than a ten you force,” because they will get great leadership.
That’s beautiful.
Great leadership will naturally bring them to a ten, but if they don’t get to do it because they’re inspired, it’ll never happen. If they do it because they’re being controlled and micromanaged, same with the kids. I always say that’s the ultimate example of leadership as a parent, just, like, letting go and having them go, “I want to be like that,” not “I have to be like that.” That’s the difference. It’s like, I’m sure your kids see that, and they just aspire more than you even know.
Just be that. I think that kids are soaking up on all they see, they hear, and everything. They don’t want to do what you tell them to do, they’re going to do what they see you do.
That’s why I keep loving you. One of my favorite quotes is, “I can’t hear what you say because your actions speak so loudly.” I always say to other parents, and it’s the same with people you work with too, what they hear goes in and out really quickly, what they see sticks forever. We have a guy who took his kid to the movie theater and said, “I need two adult tickets,” and the ticket girl said, “You could have told me he was a kid, he’s right on the edge, I would have never known it.” He goes, “He would have.” It’s like those little moments.
Little things that make a big difference. You asked me at what point, you love tattoos just like me. I went to a Joe Dispenza seminar, or retreat, there are no seminars, he calls them retreats, in Colorado. I remember walking in there, and when he came out and he started speaking, I’m, like, loving everything that’s coming out of his mouth. Two thoughts came out of my mind. The first was, “I’m going to be friends with this guy.” Literally.
You do that. That is your natural method.
That’s the thing, it’s like, you need to learn to hear your voice. When you hear it, you need to act upon it. I had that insight, it’s like, “I want to be friends, I’m going to be friends with this guy.” I found someone that worked for him, and I gave him my card, and I said, “I want to talk to Dr. Joe Dispenza. I love everything he’s doing. If there is anything that he’s doing with children, I’d like to be involved. If there’s anything I can do to contribute to what he wants to do, I’m in. Here’s my card.” Four days after I came back from the retreat, I get a call from somebody, and it’s like, “You expressed interest in talking to Dr. Joe, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He can get on a Zoom call with you for twenty minutes on Thursday afternoon.” I’m like, “Done.”
You need to learn to hear your voice. And when you hear it, you need to act upon it. Share on XOnly four days from “I think I’ll do this,” to “it’s done.”
I go, and I get in the Zoom call. Also, you need to be smart about it because you manifest, you think, you visualize, you do all these things, but you also need to take action. What was the action for me? I gave him a card. To someone, trusting that that person’s not going to throw it away. The other one is, I needed to figure out how he would remember me. When I saw him, he’s talking, and I was saying in my mind, “We’re going to be friends.” He made eye contact, and I went, “One on one.” He’s like, he’s looking at his lecture. The second day, the same thing. I was like, so he remembered that.
When we got on the Zoom call, I said, “Dr. Joe, how are you? Thank you for doing this. I don’t know if you remember.” He’s like, “I do remember you. You’re the crazy guy that thinks I’m going to have time to do a one-on-one in my event.” I’m like, “Great.” We start talking, and he starts telling me all this stuff, and we connect really well. He says, “What are you doing on Friday afternoon?” I said, “You tell me what I’m doing.” He’s like, “I want you to come to San Diego, and I want you to show you my research.” I’m like, “Done.” I went down there, we went to dinner, and we became good friends. The other thing that I saw there is this beautiful image that he had in the back of the stage. Of this human image that is looking up. Amazing.
It’s energy, just energy.
I call him, and I’m like, “Who is the artist that did this? Can you share with me? I love that. I want to buy that piece and have it in my house.” He gives me the name, and his name is Mykal Aubry. Amazing guy. I love the guy. I connect with him. I meet with him, and I’m like, “I like that piece, and I want you to make it this size. Big one. I want to have it in the stairs going up and down my house so I can see it all the time.” He said, “I’m going to commission it for you. I’ll do it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” He says, “Do you know what that piece is called?” I said, “No.” He said, “It’s called Surrender.”
I’m like, “I love it even more” because I was at that point in my life where I was working on it, and I wanted to learn how to surrender. Just surrender to what it is. Surrender to love. Surrender to heartaches. Surrender to everything. Just surrender and let things be. Don’t fight it. I went so much into it, and I called the artist, and I said, “I know that piece, is there any way that you can do that piece for my tattoo artist so I can get a tattoo on it?”
Just surrender and let things be. Don't fight it. Share on XCan I look?
Yes, here.
I love it. That’s exactly it. I remember that. I love the fine line.
It’s all one single dot thing.
That’s amazing.
He made it in a way that you can tattoo it because with the ink, it’s different.
I bet.
I remember. I look at myself and I see those things.
That’s what I say. Most of my tattoos are more fatty, two-way, circle. That’s what it is.
Relax. Just relax.
On Letting Go Of Control And Manifestation
That’s what we need. Here’s one for you that only you could probably have thoughts on. I hold these two concepts at the same time, which seem like a contradiction. You don’t control anything. Life happens. What you control is how you react. On the same token, I totally believe in manifestation. What is your take on those two things? Can they coexist, or how does that work for you?
The way I like to look at it is you’re walking in a road, and you’re walking in a path that sometimes is clear and sometimes is not. What are the things I can control? Maybe I can bring a machete. I can bring a flashlight that’s going to help me open up the road when I don’t see it, and then I’ll walk fine when I see it. That’s controllable, but for me to go there and look when the road disappears and get affected by it and try to say, “Why didn’t they give me the clear road? I wanted one that I can go from A to B,” trying to change that is one you’re not able to do. Can I wake up in the morning and choose what I’m going to put in my mouth to be healthier? Yes. Can I exercise? Can I read? Can I learn?
Those are actual actions, but I’m setting you up because I think you believe it, but maybe you’ve changed. Do you believe that you can say, just like you did, “I’m going to meet Joe,” the actions have to find you, but do you believe that you can manifest a reality but at the same time we really don’t control what happens?
Yeah, a hundred percent. I believe that you can manifest anything you want, but it might not be exactly how you imagine it because God has an amazing way to give you what you need, not what you want. The moment you understand that that’s happening, then it’s much easier.
You can manifest anything you want but it might not be exactly how you imagine it because God has an amazing way to give you what you need, not what you want. Share on XIt’s Okay To Fail
My wife says it all the time, “It’s what you need, not what you want.” She controls it. I have one last real estate question for you because anyone watching is probably always going to be intrigued by real estate, but before I wrap it up with that, anything that you want to share? You always have something deep and new to share. What is the thing you believe in so much these days that you wish you could just sprinkle it on everybody and have everybody start absorbing that?
Yeah, so I can share personal experience. The last 3 or 4 years, I’ve gone through some challenges. I went through a divorce and went through this, the economy changed and this and that, so I went through a process of spiritual growth. Going back to controlling or not, I felt like, between the market slowing down and all these things happening, I lost a little bit of my groove of killing it in real estate. Which, it happens. You have good years, you have bad years, you have good years, you have bad years. I had an amazing run, and I got to the point, number six, number five, this, all these things, and then all of a sudden last year wasn’t a great year.
You see, people would think, like, once you get to that level, yes, it’s true, I did well. I sold 300, not 600. The point I want to make is, everybody falls. You fall, and you think you lost your magic. You think, “That was it,” and I’m speaking for myself, I was like, “What happened?” You start comparing yourself with other people.
What I want to tell you and everybody that is listening is, the only time that you can compare yourself in a positive way is to say, “If there are five people in this business that are actually selling houses, there is no reason why I shouldn’t be selling houses.” I don’t care about the economy, I don’t care about anything else. Someone is making a sale, I can make a sale. That’s it. The moment that you understand that it’s ok to fall, it’s ok not to do well, and you stop comparing yourself with others. Competition is positive. That’s when a lot of these things become confusing, it’s like, you need to be competitive, but don’t compete with others. It’s confusing. It’s like, “What are you talking about?”
Competing and comparing is different. You can compete, but you don’t have to feel less than. I would say comparison is a thief of joy. You inspire me, but I don’t feel less than because you do more business. I feel inspired. That’s competitive and comparing.
What I’ve learned is, stop comparing yourself with others. You need to compete with yourself, and for me, I was like, “I was in this place. The last two years, I went to this place. I want to compete with the guy that was in that place before, and I want to be better than last year.”
That’s brilliant. I love that.
That takes a lot of pressure because I don’t need to be thinking about who is what or what they’re doing and this and that because I cannot control that. I’m like, “This is what I want to go back to. I want to compete. I want to beat myself next year compared to this year.”
That is brilliant.
I just want to do a little better next year. I want to do a little better.
I freaking love that. Thank you for that honesty, and that’s powerful for everyone to hear. I always say, like, there’s no expiration date on dreams. When people have this defeated energy, which is human, again, but, like, “Why are you putting a date on it?” Life is a long, awesome journey. It’s not for me to decide whether these 3 years, 5 years, 7 years will be the best, the worst, or mixed. As long as you wake up every day, doing what you can do, the best you can do it, putting it out there, and then reacting well to what comes in.
Feel good about it because it’s not like, “I’m going to wake up, I’m going to go to work, I’m going to do this and this, and I’m going to go back home, and I’m going to be having dinner, and I’m going to be feeling terrible.” Go out there and ask yourself this question, which I said many times, at the end of the day, you ask yourself a question, “If I am the CEO of my life, would I hire somebody else to do a better job, or did I do the best I could?”
When you go back home, feel like, “I made all the calls.” I don’t care if it’s a hundred calls or two calls, but you gave your hundred percent. Door knock, whatever it is that you do to generate business, emails, calls, whatever you did, make sure that you know inside yourself whether you could have done a little better or not. You should go back home feeling that you did a hundred percent, and that’s the only thing you can control. When you go home and have a nice dinner, you release it to the universe, you release it to God, knowing that I did my part. It’s going to correspond.
Love it, it’s so right. I always say when I go to bed every night, I fall asleep instantly. I sleep like a baby because of what you just said. I put it all out there. It doesn’t mean I’m succeeding, we’ve had a rough year too. Real estate’s been all over the place. That’s the thing. If they only knew the swings and what you have to deal with. Every business has its challenges, but like you said, if I can put my head on the pillow and I put it all out there, that’s what I’ve done with my restaurants, TV shows. It’s like, it’s okay if it doesn’t work out because there’s nothing more, at least that I know, that I could have done. To wrap it up, you’re amazing.
Thank you, so do you.
I get more inspired. I appreciate you so much. How about real estate? For those who just love the idea of these big sales, you’ve got your show Buying Beverly Hills on Netflix, which is so cool, and I love that too. I know, and you meant this, you weren’t just saying it out of jealousy like some people. I remember years ago we were having lunch, hanging out. You’re like, “My goal is not a TV show.” That’s what I love about you. It just happened, but it wasn’t like you had to have it.
It was offered before in the past. I just wasn’t in a place where I needed to do it, and everything changes. That’s why you cannot be so rigid on something. I might have said things five years ago that now I don’t agree with, and that’s okay. You change, you’re evolving.
Santiago’s Real Estate Business
I love it. What is happening in real estate for you? 10-million-plus market or whatever?
Real estate is great. I am super fired up. I’m going full force. I just signed about 160 million in listings in the last ten days, and they’re going to start coming up.
Is that 5 listings or 7?
That’s 5 or 6, I think. I have 3 in the Palisades, 26, 24.5, and 26.
I swear, your Stradella is one of my favorite houses.
That’s so beautiful, that house.
I love that house. Good for you.
I have some things in Brentwood coming up. I have my own development that’s going to be ready in March. It’s going to be a beautiful house I’m doing for spec. I build houses. I have a development company that I do high-end spec homes.
Where is that going to be?
On Tigertail. I built 4 houses on Tigertail. I built the house that I sold to LeBron, and then I built one across the street that I sold to the heiress of the guy that owns Formula 1. Petra Ecclestone, she sold Candy Spelling’s The Manor and bought that house. She just sold it again, actually, for a lot of money to Russell Westbrook. I’m building a house a block below those two. That’s going to be my best so far, so I’m excited about that. That will come on the market in April.
Congrats, my friend.
Keep him busy.
Everybody listening has to be inspired. You’ve done us all a justice. I appreciate you.
Thanks. I love being here. This is my highlight, let’s do it.