Power questions can unlock potential, spark transformation, and ignite meaningful conversations. In this episode, Jeffrey Saad delves into the art and impact of power questions, exploring how these carefully crafted inquiries can challenge assumptions, foster deeper understanding, and inspire new perspectives. Discover the power of asking “why” to uncover motivations, the importance of open-ended questions in encouraging creative thinking, and the transformative potential of self-reflection through powerful questioning.
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Power Questions For Yourself, Your Loved Ones And Your Clients
Meet In The Middle: The Antidote To A World Of Political Divide
I hope this finds you starting a great day, in the middle of a great day, or ending a great day. If you’re not, I hope this show can help you have a better day and get through whatever you’re going through. Remember, the upside of your upside is far greater than the downside of your downside. I’m sure of that. One of the first things I wanted to talk about was a reminder that we all need to start from where the world is, not where we want it to be.
As we all know, the political divide is crazier than ever. Roughly half the country is loving what’s going on, and half the country is hating what’s going on. I’m going to keep saying it over and over. We have got to get to the middle. If there’s one thing I believe more than anything, it’s that extremes never work. If any of us get everything we want, it’s already bad. We need to remember that. Don’t just double down on what you want and think everything else is horrible. We’ve got to find the middle.
I have no problem saying I didn’t vote for our current president, but I’m also very open-minded to say we need a smaller government. That’s probably a good idea. We’re going about it in a bad way. Everything in life, it’s not what happens nearly as much as the way it happens. In the meantime, we all need to take a breath and remember to look for that common ground.
The Power Of Perspective And Choosing Optimism
I tend to go with what I can learn from any situation instead of doubling down. Where’s the opportunity here? How are we going to come out of this better than we went into it? I know many people think this is the end of democracy and everything’s the end of the world. It’s so bad. Remember, that doesn’t serve you. I’m a huge fan of expecting the best and reacting well to the worst.
Nobody benefits by assuming that the world’s coming to an end or that our democracy is coming to an end and that everything’s going to be horrible. There’s a lot of stuff going on that can make us feel that way. It is scary, which is also why I’ve stopped watching the news for fifteen years. When I get my email blasts, I have no notifications on, which we’ve talked about many times. Please turn off all of your notifications. Nothing is urgent.
Nobody benefits by assuming that the world's coming to an end. Share on XI get a few emails, a couple for real estate, a couple for inspiration, a couple for the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, but I’m deleting them before I even look at them because it’s gotten so heavy, even glancing at the headline, which is all I used to do, to have a general sense of things and see if something intrigued me. More than ever, I mean it. Unless you’re going to go out there and do something about it, unless you’re going to pursue a solution, please stop having notifications and looking at the news. It’s going to make you spiral down and be more negative.
The circle of control. What we can control are the actions we take and how we react to things. Nothing in life is good or bad. It’s the opinion that makes it so. I am going to continue to spread joy in my 20-foot radius wherever I go, be the best person I can be, and make the world a better place. If we all keep spreading love and doing the best we can do, I know it sounds very Pollyanna, but it’s true. Spreading negativity doesn’t seem to have solved anything. It makes you feel worse. There’s no upside to it. Try to remember that.
What’s that quote? “The gap between an action and a reaction defines how big of a person you are.” In my past, when I was younger, I would react before the action even happened. It was ridiculous. I was so hot-headed and quick to respond because I knew what I was thinking, had my position, and all those kinds of things. More than ever, it’s about taking a breath. The more time you can allow between the input and your reaction, the better human you’ll be, the better you’ll be for the people around you, and the better you’ll be for whatever the cause is. Time and a gap in thinking allow for a better reaction.
Living The 95% Rule: Letting Go Of Fear
A friend of mine and I were having lunch. We were talking about the fires here in LA. If people are going to move back to the hills, why should they? There’s so much risk. Learn your lesson. It’s a fire zone, but you know what? Most of them will move back. The ones who don’t will be quickly replaced by people who do want to move back. Don’t ever bet against humanity. Life goes on. We will be better than ever. This is a reminder and a rule I live by. Live for the 95%. You have two choices in life. You can ruin the 95% by trying to protect yourself from the 5% that might happen.
For example, the fires. You can say, “I’m never going to live in the hills. I’m never going to live in these areas with any risk.” You’re not going to enjoy your life the way you could to protect for that 5% chance that something’s going to happen. If there’s a 50% or 60% chance something’s going to go wrong, it’s probably not the wisest choice. In general, try not to live by the exceptions. Live by the rules. What do you want your life to look like? How do you want to live? Accept that there’s a small risk.
As we’ve talked about before, if you go to the East Coast or Southeast Florida, you’re going to have hurricane issues. If you’re in the Midwest, you’re going to have tornadoes. If you find a few states that have nothing, you’re going to die of boredom. There are always risks. It’s the same with people. I choose to trust first. I choose to default to believing in other people and their actions because it’s such a more fulfilling, joyful life.
If I spend all my time trying to protect against the one person who’s going to screw me over, the one thing that’s going to go wrong, what a heavy, tiring life that is. It doesn’t mean you open up your wallet, home, and life to every stranger. I’m not saying that. In general, if you expect the best and are willing to take the risk, you will enjoy the journey so much more than just the tiring, heavy feeling of trying to protect from that exception and ruining the whole journey.
It’s like when I had the restaurants. Someone would walk in and say, “The manager told me I could come back and get a free burrito because mine had a hair in it last week.” A manager might say, “I need to see the receipt. Where’s the note? Where’s the proof?” Do you know what I would say to them? “Give them the burrito. It won’t ruin us.” To take the chance that we ruin a customer relationship because somebody did tell him, that happened, and we’re not honoring it is not worth saving the cost of the burrito. That’s a silly burrito example, but it’s like that in life in general.
Loving Your Life And Embracing Gratitude
It’s better to take a chance that you’re being screwed and tricked and have joyful relationships than it is to keep protecting from that. That’s my 95% rule. I wake up every morning. If my wife is tuning in to this, which sometimes she does, she’s going to be like, “You’re so annoying.” I always say that you have to wake up and say, “I love my life.” I’m not saying you don’t have bad days. Of course you do. You’re in a bad mood.
We are like the weather and the cycles of happy, sad, joyful, inspired, and depressed. That’s okay. In general, can you say, “I love my life?” If you can’t, I want to inspire you to drill down and ask yourself, what needs to change for you to be able to say, “Yes, I love my life?” There’s no reason why we can’t and shouldn’t love our life. We’re given one life. You don’t know when and how you’re going to die, unless the tragedy of suicide.
Other than that, you don’t get to choose when and how you die, but you get to choose how you live. It is a shame. My motto has always been, “I can die tomorrow. It’ll be with a smile. My last words will be, ‘Thank you.’ I’m not leaving anything on the table.” When I ask that question, I say, “I love my life.” I want you to be able to say the same thing, assuming that’s what you want. I’m not here to dictate your life. I’m here to try to bring joy to it and hopefully make it better.
Truly, what needs to change for you to be able to say yes? If you’re not loving your life, why? Is it because you’re after more and more? That’s an affliction that we all suffer from, especially in America. It’s the land of opportunity. Let’s make it happen. I love that spirit. For me, especially my wife and I in real estate, we’re not trying to do more. We’re trying to be better. I want to exceed every client’s expectations. I want to be the best realtor I can be. I want to be their confidant and warrior. That’s how I judge my success.
Coincidentally, you end up doing more business because if that’s how you treat clients, you’re going to thrive. Maybe you should be focusing on being better instead of trying to do more. Even worse, instead of trying to do more, you’re just thinking and never get to the doing. That’s the biggest danger. I’m telling you. I believe that storytelling and unnecessary thinking consume 50% of people’s time and energy.
I always say it. I’ve never felt like there’s not enough time in the day. There is so much time, but if you use that time to overthink, worry, and tell stories about what might happen, it’s exhausting. It takes up a lot of your time as well. Stop and ask yourself, how much thinking are you doing versus doing? If you’re just doing the doing, how much of the doing is effective and surgical? I’ve always said, turn 10 steps into 3 steps. That is the key.
Remember, you are not here to supervise the universe. That is not your job. Life is going to happen. Life always happens. We don’t get to choose what happens, but we are so blessed that we have the power to choose how we react. Isn’t that awesome? Nobody can take that away from you. You have a choice. You have the power to decide how you’re going to react. When you get bad news, what good can you do? What good can we make of this?
We don't get to choose what happens, but we are so blessed that we have the power to choose how we react. Share on XThat’s always been my default. I learned this in a restaurant chain when I was seventeen. “Yes is the answer. What’s the question?” That stuck with me for a long time and still has. If you go into life with, “Yes is the answer, what’s the question,” it’s so much more fulfilling versus, “Here we go again. That’s who’s calling. I see the caller ID. Here we go.” Shift the way you think about things. Don’t try to control the universe and what’s going to happen. Focus on your reactions.
It’s funny. I have these inspiration logs. I have all these notes in my phone that I look at every morning and all the time. I always say, “I’m never waiting.” You’re never in line waiting. You’re never somewhere waiting if you have things that inspire you. The second in line or waiting, I go to my notes and get inspired instead. No matter how much study or thinking I do, it always comes down to wild.
The Power Of Now: Embracing Presence And Awareness
Eckhart Tolle is my God. If there’s only one book, The Power of Now, that’s all you ever read. If that’s all you ever study, I swear your life will be better. Being present is so cliché. People are probably sick of hearing that. For those who haven’t heard it, this is a huge opportunity for you. That’s all there ever is. “Be present” is the two-word answer to a perfect life because if you are present for 99% of us in the exact moment, there is no problem.
The problems are the things we project out, the gap between where you are and where you wish you were, where you want to be, but the reality is that’s just a story. If you could be in the now, you’re golden. Expect the best, react well to the worst. If you can do this, it’ll free up at least 90% of your thought time and 50% of your actual time. All of a sudden, you’ll be like, “I have a ton of time.”
Think about this deeply, not just as a cliché or a little tagline. “Be present.” Ask yourself, watch yourself, and catch yourself in the act. How often throughout the day are you fully present? Fully present means, as Eckhart Tolle uses in the book, you’re walking up the stairs and feeling each stair. “Jeff, you’re being annoying.” I know, but it’s true. Are you feeling each stair?
When I’m making breakfast, I’m watching the eggs fluff and fold onto themselves. I’m enjoying making my eggs. I’m not with one shoulder on my phone, whisking the eggs quickly while I’m talking to four other people. Of course, that happens. We have those moments, but pull back and be fully in the pan. That’s what I say when I’m cooking. “Cooking is my presence.” When I’m fully in the pan, it’s a beautiful place to be.
I’m smelling the spices sear into the skin and that duck as it gets crispy. I’m watching as the meat changes shape. I can see when it’s done by looking because it goes from sagging to getting firm. When it rounds out like a basketball, you know you’ve overcooked it. How’d I get on that tangent? Maybe I’m hungry. I’m always hungry. Think about that. Whatever you’re doing in life, be in the pan.
Even in real estate. I had the greatest compliment. We sold a Daisy Duke’s house. For anyone who’s my age or in that general realm, Catherine Bach, what an awesome woman. Her family was the best. It was a pleasure getting to know them. The daughter became a realtor. I ran into her. She said the nicest thing. First of all, she said what I already know, which is that my wife walked in the door with this flowing outfit and these beautiful eyes and this bright sunshine radiating from her.
I’m such a good realtor. The reality is that I made one good choice, which was to marry Nadia. She said, “We had all these realtors come in all uptight with buttoned-up shirts and big thick presentations, ready to blow us away with all the data and all these marketing photos. You guys just walked in with no presentation.” I had a short-sleeve shirt on with my tattoos. Nadia was her flowing beauty. We just had a conversation.
Life is not about creating a twenty-hour marketing plan. It’s about being fully present with the person in front of you. Even selling houses. I’ve never sold a house. You’re not going to convince somebody to buy a home, one of the most expensive purchases of their life. What you are going to do if you’re good as a realtor is pay attention to what matters to them, what’s important to them.
I said this to a woman. We’re selling her house. She’s older. Her husband passed away. She’s going to buy a condo and downsize. She was trying to convince herself to like this condo. I looked at her. We have this good friend, Comedy. If you’re tuning into this, Comedy, this goes out to you. We had a dinner party. She said, “Do you know what I’ve decided? If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hard no.”
That’s what I said to Jen. I said, “If you’re not loving this condo, drop it. You have to see yourself wanting to be there. You have to be like, ‘I can’t wait to move in.’ If you don’t have that visceral connection and you’re trying to make a checklist out of it, it’s no good.” It’s like every now and then somebody will say to me, “I’m thinking of getting married.” I stop them and go, “Don’t do it.” They go, “What do you mean? I haven’t even told you yet what my concerns are.” I said, “You’re asking.”
Something as big as marriage or buying a house shouldn’t be this spreadsheet pros and cons list, in my opinion. It should be it feels right. My point is that it’s about being present. When my wife and I go on a listing appointment, we’re trying to figure out what’s important to the client because that’s all that matters. When I do these presentations, real estate, and stuff, I always say, “If you want to be an amazing realtor, treat every client like it’s your mother,” unless it was my mother because I never liked my mother. We know that story.
Assuming you love your mother, treat every client like it’s your mother and you’re a billionaire. I’ll say this to any business. It applies to all businesses, not just sales or real estate. The simple fact is, if you approach every client like that, that means you’re only thinking about their best interest. How can you lose if you do that? You’re not thinking about your paycheck. The second you’re thinking about yourself and the money, you’re done.
Focusing On Systems, Not Just Goals
You need to be focused on, “How do I exceed this client’s expectation? What is important to them? What do they need?” If you stay in that mode, you are going to win every time. We talked about work on the last episode, being better at work, and things like that. How does the circle of control affect work? The circle of control is focusing on what you can change. What is in your circle? If you stay in your circle, your circle expands, and your life and the people around you win.
If you’re focused outside your circle, what’s it doing? It’s putting weight on the circle and crushing the circle. Your circle shrinks. Your inner circle, the quality of your life, and everything else gets worse. It’s about staying focused inside the circle. One of the ways to do that with work is to not spend too much time on goals. Some of you in the corporate world have to do huge planning. I get it. Okay, fine. Make a mark on the sand, “Here’s where we want to be. Here’s where I’d like to go.”
As Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, start with the end in mind. I get that for sure, and that’s part of my whole Personal Constitution. If you haven’t read that episode, I’d love you to go read that because the personal constitution is the key to setting your internal compass and getting your life right. Don’t dwell on the goals. Set the goals. “This is where I want to be.” The focus needs to be on the actions and systems.
People succeed when they focus on their systems. It’s very much an Atomic Habits philosophy as well. I love that. If you say to yourself, “There’s the goal. I’d like that to happen. More importantly, what do I have to do to make that happen,” that’s where the magic comes. As a realtor, I know that if I wake up every day, do my outreach, pass clients, leads, and people that I’ve been introduced to, if I make those calls, if I keep working on my negotiating skills, if I stay focused on the inventory so I understand the product and how it compares to my product, my listings or the product my buyers are looking for, that makes me better.
I’m focusing on the rules and regulations of the change and focusing on the contracts and the paperwork. Most importantly, I’m focusing on how I show up as my best self, which is why I have my morning routine. If I keep doing those actions, I don’t care what the outcome is because I know it will be what it’s meant to be. I know it will be the best it can be because I believe these actions will lead to that.
I sleep like a baby every night because I put my head on the pillow and think, “I’m spent. I’ve done what I said I would do. I’ve done what I said I would do to the best of my ability, full of joy because I’m bringing my best self.” That’s the key to any business plan. Bring your best self. With all the skills, inventory knowledge, product knowledge, great negotiating, and quick, fast responses you have, you can be the sharpest person out there, but if you’re not showing up as your best self, they will feel that energy, and it will not get you the same result. You have to be your best self without a doubt.
You can be the sharpest person out there, but if you're not showing up as your best self, they will feel that energy and it will not get you the same result. Share on XPower Questions To Help You Love Life
Go to my website, JeffreySaad.com. That’s where all these episodes are and stuff. If you go to that and hit contact me, if you send me an email, I will send you any of these lists you want with pleasure, complimentary like The Personal Constitution, My Top Ten For A Great Life, and what I’m going to go over, which is what I call Power Questions. These questions are great for your personal and your business life. Feel free to email me at JeffreySaad.com, and I will send you those.
One of the things I read in my inspiration log that I wrote down for you that I love is back to how I started this episode, which is your reaction. Here’s what I read all the time in the morning. Never react until I have thought about their why. It’s not about me. Empathize and understand. You share love to dissolve all. My favorite one of all time is being right never helps. Getting to the right place is what matters.
Keep that in mind. If you go through that process before reacting to anything or anyone, I guarantee you will have a better outcome for yourself, your clients, and your loved ones. I have personally never felt proud when I react too quickly and overreact. It’s always something you wish you could take back. I read something that Abraham Lincoln was famous for writing these long letters, venting. “Here’s what you did wrong. Here’s why I’m right.” He would fold it up, put it in his drawer, and never send it.” You always wish you hadn’t sent that letter, email, or comment you made. Keep that in mind.
As a summary of these things, not more, the better. Raise your standards. When you raise your standards, you don’t have to be as busy because you’re only working with people who are a fit and you know you can be of service to. Real estate is a great example. Most realtors will try to work with 50 clients and hope to sell 10. “I want to work with 10 and succeed with 10.” The only way you can do that is to raise your standards. “I’m so sorry. I only work with people who only work with me.” If somebody’s not willing to commit to you, you can’t work with them.
Raising your standards, whatever your business is, will get you better results, give you more time, and give you more joy. Turn 10 steps into 3. Figure out how you can condense what you’re doing into the most effective steps. That’s my biggest thing. When people say it’s 10 steps, I’m going to find a way to make it 3 and have it still be as or more effective.
Time block. Time blocking is everything. I always say that if you don’t time-block it, it’s not going to happen. You have to live by that. You have to treat everything like it’s non-negotiable. In real estate, for example, nobody will ever miss a listing appointment. “It’s a listing appointment. I’m going to get a house for sale.” You need to treat everything in your life that way.
Once you decide the actions that you need to take to achieve your goals, you need to time-block them. You need to say, “I’m not turning my phone on in the morning until 9:00 because I’m going to do my personal routine and my workout,” or whatever it is. It can’t be negotiated. “I’m going to pick my kid up from school. We’re going to do homework together. I’m going to take my wife out, my partner, the person I love, no matter what. I’m not going to say, ‘Sorry, I have a meeting now. I can’t do it.’ I’m going to take my vacation.”
Realtors are especially guilty of this. It’s like, “How can you leave? What if a deal comes up? What if you’re in a deal?” There’s always a solution. You have to take those vacations and do what you commit to doing. Doing that time blocking is huge. I’m going to wrap up this episode with what I call Power Questions. These are great for you. Some of these are focused for you, potentially. Ask yourself these questions to help get you to that place where you can say, “Yes, I love my life.” Some of these are for family and work.
It’s the most powerful thing. It’s the thing I’ve struggled with the most my whole life because, I know you’ll be shocked, I love to talk. As they say, when you’re talking, you’re not learning. When you’re listening, you’re learning. When you’re asking questions, you’re getting to the truth. Realtors are especially guilty of this. We go right into selling and explaining. Instead, we should be asking questions to understand what matters to the client.
Here are some questions for you to think about to wrap up. My favorite one is simply, “Is that true?” My wife will laugh at this one because I use it on her sometimes. We’re all guilty of making these blanket statements. “You’re never X. You never X.” With a caring, empathetic head tilt, you’re like, “Is that true,” and then be silent because it’s amazing. Also, with a client, anybody, or your kid, “Is that true?” It makes them think about what they’re saying. “It’s not all the time. It’s making me unhappy this time.”
Another great one is, “You’re saying that to say what?” If somebody makes a statement and you’re not understanding it or you think there’s something else going on, that’s a way of getting to the truth. If they’re saying, “I should have never bought a house or gone on this search,” you’re saying that to say what? It seems like something else is going on. The other choice would be, “You said you wanted a 2-bedroom and 3-bath,” you recap what they said they wanted, but then you’re not listening, you’re not getting it. Ask that question.
One of my favorite ones is, “What did you think of that on a 1 to 10, but you can’t say 7?” I love that one. It’s one of my favorites. Whoever knows where this came from, give that person credit. I don’t know where I heard that. I didn’t make it up. I love that idea because when you say you can’t say 7, what does that mean? It’s either a 6 or an 8. Those are very different things. A 6 is barely better than halfway. That’s like a D. An 8 is pretty darn good. A 7 is a cop out. A 7n is allowing somebody to get off the hook. It’s a safe answer.
“How’d you like that meal on a 1 to 10? You can’t say 7. How do you feel about our relationship on a 1 to 10? You can’t say 7. How much do you want to do this on a 1 to 10, but you can’t say 7?” I love that. “What are your big rocks?” I’m sure you’ve all heard that analogy. I can’t remember who came up with it, but I love it. Think of your life as a jar.
If you start by putting the big rocks in first, being there for my family, succeeding in my business, being healthy, or whatever it is, the big rocks will easily fit, and then you sprinkle the sand, pebbles, and small rocks around to fill the gaps. If you start with a bunch of petty stuff, the big rocks won’t even fit in the jar. What are your big rocks? What’s your personal alma mater? What’s the thing you live by? What excites you right now? What are you looking forward to?
I love it when you meet somebody newer. “What’s the most important thing I should know about you?” If you want to get somebody talking and understand them, say, “What’s the most important thing I should know about you? Who are you? What do you stand for? What do you live by? What are your motivating principles? What makes you the most bad?”
That’s a powerful question, even though it has a negative slant. You learn what’s important to people or yourself. These are all questions you could be asking yourself as well. “What does your perfect day look like?” I love that one because nobody gets perfect days all the time. That’s not realistic, although it could be because a perfect day for me is being present. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s perfect because I was present.
You ask, “What does your perfect day look like?” The second question should be, “What do you need to change to have more perfect days? What’s on your stop-doing list?” That’s a good one as well. We all do a lot of good stuff, but we all have our bad habits or whatever it is. That sums it up for this episode. Go to my website, and I’ll send you this full list. Thank you for being with me. I hope you can wake up tomorrow and say, “I love my life.”
Important Links
- The Power of Now
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
- The Personal Constitution – Past episode
- Atomic Habits
- My Top Ten For A Great Life – Past episode